Can you figure it out?
June 7th I ended up in the ER with a swollen lip, numbness in my face on the right side and down my right arm and right side of my back. Cat Scan, blood work and an EKG turned up nothing. The last 2 Lymes tests have come back negative.
Went to see a neurologist, ordered more blood test and an MRI. Blood test showed low b-12 level, which I started already, and nothing else. I had the MRI on Friday June 24th and am waiting for the doctor to call me back with results. He is checking for MS, Lupus with the MRI and if that comes back clear he is sending me to a rheumatologist because he thinks this may connected to Fibromyalgia.
I've been in pain everyday, sometimes it's just a dull ache, other times it hurts so bad to move, I have been trying to take some advil or Ibuprofen to help and sometimes it does.
I've never been more scared in my life of what they might find and what they might not. If they don't find anything that I really am back at square one with no explanation about my pain or numbness.
I have tried to stay off the internet and not look up to much because I don't want to get ahead of myself but I just hate not knowing.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Where oh Where...
Have I BEEN!?
Well it's called life and it may be a poor excuse but it's all I have right now. I got really sick and was achy and sore everyday. I was coming home almost in tears because I just hurt so much. I didn't care about what I was eating and exercise wasn't even in my vocabulary. I didn't get to run the race on Mother's Day because I was so sore and sick, it was one of the HARDEST decisions I had to make, I still regret it.
Finally went to the Dr and she started me on medicine for treatment of a relapse of Lymes. 3 days later I woke up with a swollen upper lip and mid day the right side of my face was numb and tingly. I was told to stop the medicine for 2 days and then start it again. They wanted to see if this was a reaction to the medicine or a side effect of my lymes. I started them medicine 2 days later and 2 days after that BAM! swollen lower lip and some numbness and tingly feelings. Called in a new medicine which I should have started today but because of the most common side effect (tummy issues) I wanted to wait until I wasn't so busy. I'll start this tomorrow...promise.
Today I tried on bridesmaid dresses and a size 10 fit me, snuggly. I want to be able to wear a 10, be comfortable and have no arm/back fat showing. There is a picture of me at my sisters wedding with HORRIBLE arm/back fat and it haunts me to this day!
I start school on Tuesday which throws a wrench into life but I am going back to working normal 8 hour days instead of those 9, 10 sometimes 11 hour days. I won't be making that money any more but it's what my body needs!
Tonight I had a good moment at dinner.. I was able to stop when I was satisfied, and left some of my food left over. It was very hard because I suffer from "empty plate" syndrome but I talked this situation out loud with my boyfriend and ended up getting them wrapped up.
It's REALLY odd feeling satisfied and not stuffed, sick or over full. I really tried to eat slowly and enjoy each but of my dinner. It was lobster ravioli very yummy, not the greatest choice but I'm not perfect, I'm still learning!
Well it's called life and it may be a poor excuse but it's all I have right now. I got really sick and was achy and sore everyday. I was coming home almost in tears because I just hurt so much. I didn't care about what I was eating and exercise wasn't even in my vocabulary. I didn't get to run the race on Mother's Day because I was so sore and sick, it was one of the HARDEST decisions I had to make, I still regret it.
Finally went to the Dr and she started me on medicine for treatment of a relapse of Lymes. 3 days later I woke up with a swollen upper lip and mid day the right side of my face was numb and tingly. I was told to stop the medicine for 2 days and then start it again. They wanted to see if this was a reaction to the medicine or a side effect of my lymes. I started them medicine 2 days later and 2 days after that BAM! swollen lower lip and some numbness and tingly feelings. Called in a new medicine which I should have started today but because of the most common side effect (tummy issues) I wanted to wait until I wasn't so busy. I'll start this tomorrow...promise.
Today I tried on bridesmaid dresses and a size 10 fit me, snuggly. I want to be able to wear a 10, be comfortable and have no arm/back fat showing. There is a picture of me at my sisters wedding with HORRIBLE arm/back fat and it haunts me to this day!
I start school on Tuesday which throws a wrench into life but I am going back to working normal 8 hour days instead of those 9, 10 sometimes 11 hour days. I won't be making that money any more but it's what my body needs!
Tonight I had a good moment at dinner.. I was able to stop when I was satisfied, and left some of my food left over. It was very hard because I suffer from "empty plate" syndrome but I talked this situation out loud with my boyfriend and ended up getting them wrapped up.
It's REALLY odd feeling satisfied and not stuffed, sick or over full. I really tried to eat slowly and enjoy each but of my dinner. It was lobster ravioli very yummy, not the greatest choice but I'm not perfect, I'm still learning!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Race day is coming....
I got my race packet today!!!! I got my t-shirt and my bib and I am SO excited for this race, the bib makes it SO real :D I haven't done much training lately but I'm still feeling good about this race. I also found out that 2 of my friends are running this race as well, so it'll be nice to have some familiar faces down there in the sea of people.
Today is 10 years since my mother passed away...10 years since I lost my best friend and felt like my world crumbled. Look how far I have come... my job, my schooling, and just my life in general. I know I wouldn't have made it without the rest of my family but I know I would have already been on track LONG AGO if she was still around. It's taken some time to get there, but she's been pointing me in the right direction.
When I saw my race packet today, I thought well this is a sign, a sign of how proud of me she is, a sign that I'm doing the right thing and a sign that the appointment I had yesterday was exactly what I needed to do. Sometimes I ask for so much from her and I get so upset when I don't get it, but then something like this happens and now well I can't stop smiling...
Thank you mom, for everything you gave me and everything you keep giving me!
If you would like to donate to my race please go to this link:
http://rfcphl.convio.net/goto/amykendric
k
Donate to the Race For The Cure. I will be running the 5k on Mother's Day 2011 in honor of my mother!
Today is 10 years since my mother passed away...10 years since I lost my best friend and felt like my world crumbled. Look how far I have come... my job, my schooling, and just my life in general. I know I wouldn't have made it without the rest of my family but I know I would have already been on track LONG AGO if she was still around. It's taken some time to get there, but she's been pointing me in the right direction.
When I saw my race packet today, I thought well this is a sign, a sign of how proud of me she is, a sign that I'm doing the right thing and a sign that the appointment I had yesterday was exactly what I needed to do. Sometimes I ask for so much from her and I get so upset when I don't get it, but then something like this happens and now well I can't stop smiling...
Thank you mom, for everything you gave me and everything you keep giving me!
If you would like to donate to my race please go to this link:
http://rfcphl.convio.net/goto/amykendric
k
Donate to the Race For The Cure. I will be running the 5k on Mother's Day 2011 in honor of my mother!
Friday, April 1, 2011
YAY for a loss!
So today was just a relaxing day we didn't do much because we were stuck in our room all day again...snow this morning and then rain all day, plus day 2 of picture day. We celebrated Philies Day in my classroom, we made a philly phanatic and cut out a hole for their face... so cute! We decorated sugar cookies with red "P"s and had soft pretzels for snack. We also sang "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" all in all a fun day! Eating was okay today, I had fruit for breakfast but it didn't settle well with my stomach, not sure what's going on but it seems like EVERYTHING is making my stomach hurt.
Pictures will have to wait for tomorrow because I left my camera at work and will have to grab it tomorrow but I did my weigh in..... 146.5lbs!!! WHOOOOHOOO!!!! This morning I cheated and weight myself and it said 145lbs!! I was so excited to see that number... I love it! I felt really great in a shirt today that I was always afraid to wear because it felt to tight, even my boss told me I looked great in it, it really fit my shape! So pictures tomorrow!!!
Pictures will have to wait for tomorrow because I left my camera at work and will have to grab it tomorrow but I did my weigh in..... 146.5lbs!!! WHOOOOHOOO!!!! This morning I cheated and weight myself and it said 145lbs!! I was so excited to see that number... I love it! I felt really great in a shirt today that I was always afraid to wear because it felt to tight, even my boss told me I looked great in it, it really fit my shape! So pictures tomorrow!!!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
better day
Well today was better then yesterday... kind of. It was crazy first of all.. we had 11 kids and it was picture day which meant CHAOS! But we got through the day laughing and survived it all. I had some fruit and a cereal bar for breakfast... lunch was a steam fresh meal but dinner was just about 30 mins ago... SO LATE! Ham cooked with light brown sugar, OJ, ginger ale and mustard and some mac and cheese... the ham was a BIG slice so I only had 3 bites of mac and cheese.
I felt better today though about a lot of things. I really tired to stay positive through the day and was just kept telling myself that tomorrow is FRIDAY! It was nice to just kind of have a free day, we worked on our rooms, let the kids play for awhile and had fun. Tomorrow is Phillies day in my classroom and I'm excited... I'm getting soft pretzels for a special afternoon snack!
Tonight was a REALLY good Grey's Anatomy... I won't spoil it for anybody but AMAZING! I was starving after I got home... I worked 7:00am-6:00pm and then had a training 6:30-8:30 so I got home right at 9:00pm... put on GREYS but was so hungry!! So I had the great idea of rigging my TV so I could watch and cook dinner at the same time...
My picture tonight is of how I rigged it! Creative huh??
I felt better today though about a lot of things. I really tired to stay positive through the day and was just kept telling myself that tomorrow is FRIDAY! It was nice to just kind of have a free day, we worked on our rooms, let the kids play for awhile and had fun. Tomorrow is Phillies day in my classroom and I'm excited... I'm getting soft pretzels for a special afternoon snack!
Tonight was a REALLY good Grey's Anatomy... I won't spoil it for anybody but AMAZING! I was starving after I got home... I worked 7:00am-6:00pm and then had a training 6:30-8:30 so I got home right at 9:00pm... put on GREYS but was so hungry!! So I had the great idea of rigging my TV so I could watch and cook dinner at the same time...
My picture tonight is of how I rigged it! Creative huh??
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
still the same
Today went by pretty fast but I ate horribly!! I started off with just a greek yogurt for breakfast and my stomach was not loving it. I had all plans of eating a healthy choice meals for lunch but a mom brought in home made brownies and cookies... 3 cookies and 2 brownies later I was feeling even sicker! That's all I've managed to eat today and I hate it! I made a wonderful dinner of baked salmon with a fresh mango salsa and I can't even look at it without my stomach doing turns and flips, I feel so sick! I don't know why I kept going back to the treats... I came home feeling so defeated. I was running around a lot today trying to get everything done, I was at work by 7:15, didn't take a break and didn't leave there until 6:30.... so tired! Going to do some dishes take my math book to study in bed and get to sleep early. I work 7-5:30 ( really 6) tomorrow and then have a training from 6:30-8:30 plus it's picture day tomorrow and that is always CRAZY! I am still trying to stay positive about things and just get on with things, not focus on the negative things.
Monday, March 28, 2011
What happened!?
WHAT HAPPENED!???
I am so mad at myself for letting it go this far... it's really just me being lazy and I really wish I could fix this part of me. I am lazy I would rather lay in bed and do nothing on most days when I know I should be out there living it up. But what if I can't fix this? Am I doomed to live a life of fat, borning nothingness????
I left work early Thursday throwing up...called out Friday and spent the rest of the weekend feeling like CRAP! I tried to get out and do somethings but I was so tired and in a horrible mood thank you to my TOM and was just grumpy with everyone around me. I HATE being like this, I HATE feeling like this! I woke up yesterday with a horrible head cold that followed me into today. I hate telling everyone at work that I'm sick yet again... my immune system is shot and you'd think by now, working with all these kids, it would have built up some.
I made dinner when I came home, took a shower and now I am laying down. I didn't eat any of the dinner because I feel so BLAH! I packed some for my lunch tomorrow in hopes that I will feel better!! Well here I go starting over....YET AGAIN!!!
My picture tonight is of my big glass of OJ! Hope some extra Vitamin C will help my cold!
I am so mad at myself for letting it go this far... it's really just me being lazy and I really wish I could fix this part of me. I am lazy I would rather lay in bed and do nothing on most days when I know I should be out there living it up. But what if I can't fix this? Am I doomed to live a life of fat, borning nothingness????
I left work early Thursday throwing up...called out Friday and spent the rest of the weekend feeling like CRAP! I tried to get out and do somethings but I was so tired and in a horrible mood thank you to my TOM and was just grumpy with everyone around me. I HATE being like this, I HATE feeling like this! I woke up yesterday with a horrible head cold that followed me into today. I hate telling everyone at work that I'm sick yet again... my immune system is shot and you'd think by now, working with all these kids, it would have built up some.
I made dinner when I came home, took a shower and now I am laying down. I didn't eat any of the dinner because I feel so BLAH! I packed some for my lunch tomorrow in hopes that I will feel better!! Well here I go starting over....YET AGAIN!!!
My picture tonight is of my big glass of OJ! Hope some extra Vitamin C will help my cold!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
the "C" word
Today was another quiet day at work, I was thankful because I am still struggling. I have decided that I am just going to be nice at work, and do my job and then come home. I can't bring work with me to home and I need to learn to check my emotions at the door more often before I head into my classroom. I have had a lot to think about and it's been good so far.
Tonight was not much different we learned that a local boy ( his family is friends with my friend) was rushed to CHOP after spiking a fever and becoming unresponsive. He was in remission from neuroblastoma, a form of aggressive cancer, and now it is back. He has lesions on his brain and in his stomach... it's not looking good. The doctors are saying 4-6 weeks if he makes it through his surgeries.
I've cried a lot about this, I don't know this boy or this family but that damn "C" word is throwing my head for a spin. I have made the decision to get the genetic testing done for the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 mutation and have genetic counseling done. I feel like I have to know that this is the only control I have over the situation so I must take it. Some people don't agree with me and don't know how I could do it, but I don't know how I can sit here and NOT know.
I've been super busy already this week ( it's only Tuesday!) and my bedtime is getting late again and I'm up by 5:30am... I can feel the pressure mounting and I know this weekend I will need time alone. It's hard to swallow everything that I have decided and have had to do just in these last couple of days... I wish I could stop turning to food for comfort. Take out for lunch today but other then that an okay day.
Tonight's picture is just another thing added to my plate...I have to take a placement test to start the rest of my classes at the local community college. I haven't taken a test in years and high school math seems like it was HUNDREDS of years ago. I ordered 2 books through amazon and plan on doing a lot of studying!!
Tonight was not much different we learned that a local boy ( his family is friends with my friend) was rushed to CHOP after spiking a fever and becoming unresponsive. He was in remission from neuroblastoma, a form of aggressive cancer, and now it is back. He has lesions on his brain and in his stomach... it's not looking good. The doctors are saying 4-6 weeks if he makes it through his surgeries.
I've cried a lot about this, I don't know this boy or this family but that damn "C" word is throwing my head for a spin. I have made the decision to get the genetic testing done for the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 mutation and have genetic counseling done. I feel like I have to know that this is the only control I have over the situation so I must take it. Some people don't agree with me and don't know how I could do it, but I don't know how I can sit here and NOT know.
I've been super busy already this week ( it's only Tuesday!) and my bedtime is getting late again and I'm up by 5:30am... I can feel the pressure mounting and I know this weekend I will need time alone. It's hard to swallow everything that I have decided and have had to do just in these last couple of days... I wish I could stop turning to food for comfort. Take out for lunch today but other then that an okay day.
Tonight's picture is just another thing added to my plate...I have to take a placement test to start the rest of my classes at the local community college. I haven't taken a test in years and high school math seems like it was HUNDREDS of years ago. I ordered 2 books through amazon and plan on doing a lot of studying!!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Pulling myself up out of this funk!
So I really needed a couple days to get my mind together and wrap it around my crazy life since Friday...and with all the drama of saturday...it took ALL sunday to recover. I was nervous about going into work afraid that my job would be on the line after what was said. I had a sit down meeting with my boss today and it was exactly what I needed. I feel a little better but am still struggling with the fact that I had to end a friendship, it's painful because I really don't have many friends. I am also coming off the fact that I really lost in saturday when confronting her, I mean I haven't been the angry in a REALLY long time and I didn't handle it well, that includes going to McDonalds after for comfort food. (TMI SORRY) I am due for my monthly visitor and it has me on a mission for food, food, food! I was snacking all day today and just finished off my night with some double stuffed oreos and milk....why I even picked them up at the store I have no idea.
Day 78: I love love love arnold palmer and this is a ZERO calories version... it's missing a little something but it's a nice alternative to my sweet tea that I gave up for lent.
Day 79: Fresh ripe fruit is hard to find in my local grocery store, I need to take a trip to produce junction soon, so I picked this up to chop up and add to cottage cheese for a fast simple breakfast.
Day 80: Dinner tonight was tilapia with a creamy cilantro sauce ( from sparkpeople ) sweet corn and brown rice. It's suppose to have fresh garlic but I only had jarred and fresh garlic scares me!! But this was very yummy and I would love to try this sauce on chicken!
Day 78: I love love love arnold palmer and this is a ZERO calories version... it's missing a little something but it's a nice alternative to my sweet tea that I gave up for lent.
Day 79: Fresh ripe fruit is hard to find in my local grocery store, I need to take a trip to produce junction soon, so I picked this up to chop up and add to cottage cheese for a fast simple breakfast.
Day 80: Dinner tonight was tilapia with a creamy cilantro sauce ( from sparkpeople ) sweet corn and brown rice. It's suppose to have fresh garlic but I only had jarred and fresh garlic scares me!! But this was very yummy and I would love to try this sauce on chicken!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
bad eating
I had to end a friendship today and confront that person, it did not go well. I had mcdonalds later that day but after talking to my friends and boyfriend I feel better...tomorrow will be a better day and I will post pictures tomorrow,... thanks for all the support I appreciate it!
Friday, March 18, 2011
A slap in the face
Today was horrible.... it's taking all I have in me to just write this. Work was the worst it's been... and I've learned some things, people aren't as nice as they seem and I'm not as liked as I thought I was...talk about a slap in the face. After coming home and sulking for a while I had an urge for food and lots of it...i stopped my self at one soft taco shell with sour cream, cheese and tomatoes and a mini cake (190 calories for just the cake!) I'm heading to bed... it's been tough and I have a feeling it's only going to get tougher..... might be MIA for a couple days until I figure some things out...
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Good magazine article!
Today was a nice relaxing day at work, we just took it easy, enjoyed the nice weather, had a lunch party and then back outside. I love having these days with my kids, I think they need it as well as I do. We had a pretty healthy lunch part, kiwi, green peppers, cucumbers, green apples, green jello, green applesauce and pickles. We also had cookies but saved those for snack after nap and I had 3 mini cupcakes (homemade so yummy) but ate good other then that.
I dressed up in a hat and beard and poked around the school today, at least my co workers got a laugh out of it. During nap we took off their shoes and put them in the hall, then my DOE put baby powder foot prints and a little snack in each of their shoes. They were so excited to find candy in their shoes!!! It was a fun day at work and I love when we do these things and EVERYBODY get's involved in it, some people look at me like I'm crazy but I work with kids... I like to have fun!!!
Dinner was my down fall again but I could have done worse, I had a roast beef reuben but instead of sauerkraut it had coleslaw on it. I had a water and then ordered a red bull and vodka but it was WAY to strong so I only had a couple sips. I'm heading to bed completely exhausted but had a good day.
My picture tonight is of an article I read. We have old magazines at our school and this Time magazine is August 2009 and talks about what we do to make our food cheap and how unhealthy it is for us. It was REALLY interesting!!
I dressed up in a hat and beard and poked around the school today, at least my co workers got a laugh out of it. During nap we took off their shoes and put them in the hall, then my DOE put baby powder foot prints and a little snack in each of their shoes. They were so excited to find candy in their shoes!!! It was a fun day at work and I love when we do these things and EVERYBODY get's involved in it, some people look at me like I'm crazy but I work with kids... I like to have fun!!!
Dinner was my down fall again but I could have done worse, I had a roast beef reuben but instead of sauerkraut it had coleslaw on it. I had a water and then ordered a red bull and vodka but it was WAY to strong so I only had a couple sips. I'm heading to bed completely exhausted but had a good day.
My picture tonight is of an article I read. We have old magazines at our school and this Time magazine is August 2009 and talks about what we do to make our food cheap and how unhealthy it is for us. It was REALLY interesting!!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Another short one...
So I woke up with this horrible headache in the back of my head and it took forever to go away then after I ate lunch it came back..boo. Other then that I am finally feeling better... my cough is almost gone and my stomach seems better today, and dinner was just rough last night. I did well eating today, even did chick-fil-a but kept my calories in range, I feel now if I eat a big lunch I'm not as hungry as I was before for dinner.
Tomorrow is St. Patrick's day and I am heading out for a couple drinks and dinner after work with my two friends. I am planning a light and as healthy as can be lunch so that I can still enjoy dinner.
Sorry my blog is so short today went by very fast and I am exhausted, plus tomorrow we have 5 people out so it's going to be stressful! I am off to get as much sleep as possible!
My picture tonight is the shirt I am wearing to work tomorrow... Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Tomorrow is St. Patrick's day and I am heading out for a couple drinks and dinner after work with my two friends. I am planning a light and as healthy as can be lunch so that I can still enjoy dinner.
Sorry my blog is so short today went by very fast and I am exhausted, plus tomorrow we have 5 people out so it's going to be stressful! I am off to get as much sleep as possible!
My picture tonight is the shirt I am wearing to work tomorrow... Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
sick...again
Pain... my stomach is killing me so this is the shortest blog ever. didn't walk today abut did pretty good at eating until dinner at my dad's which is what I think is causing this awful pain... I've been in the bathroom for at least an hour and I just want to go to bed...so my picture tonight is where I'm headed... my comfy bed!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Playing catch up
So I fell off my blog bandwagon and I'm really sad, but I'm starting back up today and I know I'll keep on track, sometimes I have off days and that's just okay. This weekend was CRAZY! I did get some great things at Old Navy on saturday and everything was a MEDIUM! It feels so nice to see that M and I also felt like there were a lot more options in this size... I actually enjoyed shopping even thought I spent more money then I should have, I also brought 3 pairs of flip flops and 4 shirts for my nephew! Lunch I did good and had a salad with dressing on the side and soup that was chicken, spinach and some egg. Dinner was good and bad..scallops and shrimp with mango salsa, steamed asparagus and a vegetable medley that I wasn't a fan of. Then dessert...they sent a double brownie with ice cream and whip cream around the table for all 8 of us to share... i took a couple bites!! Then I made another bad choice, we went to a friends house and we drank, blueberry vodka and pink lemonade... I seriously didn't need those calories!
The time change threw me off on Sunday I woke up and late and I didn't feel like doing anything, but we had our usual grocery store run, cleaning and then dinner at my dads and do our laundry we didn't get home until 9:30 which is late on a Sunday!
WARNING: This may be TMI for some people or just inappropriate so if you don't want to read about my intimacy issues skip this!! I have had trouble being full unclothed around my boyfriend this last year or so and I know he thinks I'm beautiful but the whole time I'm thinking "Oh god that looks bad" or " If I lay this way, maybe he won't notice" well on Sunday I let loose and if felt great. I was actually able to lay in bed after and not feel hideous! It felt great!! I hope I can keep this up!
Onto today... I haven't walked since Wednesday because of my cold, it's been beating me down and now I feel SO overworked with work... we have a lot expected out of us, plus I'm trying to go back to school. Today on my break I called my local college to set up a placement test and then I also called a cancer center in my area. I want to get the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 testing done, genetics testing to see if I have the marker. If you want more information about this please feel free to email me, it's not something I really want to discuss here...not yet. But I got both appointments set up, which felt nice to get out of the way.
So my pictures for the last 3 days!
day 71: A new snack that I am enjoying... my favorite is the kettle corn!
day 72: these are the brownies that I made for my boyfriend and I can HAPPILY say that I haven't eaten a single one!!
day 73: dinner tonight was chicken stir fry, I cooked the chicken in some EVOO then added my veggies and took a bowl out for myself, added a little soy sauce. Then I added the packet of sauce, sugar and soy sauce for my boyfriend to enjoy...very yummy! (this is before I added the extra sauces)
The time change threw me off on Sunday I woke up and late and I didn't feel like doing anything, but we had our usual grocery store run, cleaning and then dinner at my dads and do our laundry we didn't get home until 9:30 which is late on a Sunday!
WARNING: This may be TMI for some people or just inappropriate so if you don't want to read about my intimacy issues skip this!! I have had trouble being full unclothed around my boyfriend this last year or so and I know he thinks I'm beautiful but the whole time I'm thinking "Oh god that looks bad" or " If I lay this way, maybe he won't notice" well on Sunday I let loose and if felt great. I was actually able to lay in bed after and not feel hideous! It felt great!! I hope I can keep this up!
Onto today... I haven't walked since Wednesday because of my cold, it's been beating me down and now I feel SO overworked with work... we have a lot expected out of us, plus I'm trying to go back to school. Today on my break I called my local college to set up a placement test and then I also called a cancer center in my area. I want to get the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 testing done, genetics testing to see if I have the marker. If you want more information about this please feel free to email me, it's not something I really want to discuss here...not yet. But I got both appointments set up, which felt nice to get out of the way.
So my pictures for the last 3 days!
day 71: A new snack that I am enjoying... my favorite is the kettle corn!
day 72: these are the brownies that I made for my boyfriend and I can HAPPILY say that I haven't eaten a single one!!
day 73: dinner tonight was chicken stir fry, I cooked the chicken in some EVOO then added my veggies and took a bowl out for myself, added a little soy sauce. Then I added the packet of sauce, sugar and soy sauce for my boyfriend to enjoy...very yummy! (this is before I added the extra sauces)
Friday, March 11, 2011
Yummy dinner
Wow today went by fast which was nice because I still am not feeling 100% but it's nice to have an antibiotic in me because I can already tell a difference.
Tomorrow will be busy, blood work at 9am, hitting the sales at Old navy, Lunch with a friend, cleaning and then dinner with my sister and her husband. So it's going to be A LOT of watching what goes into my mouth, and preparing myself. At least the dinner is as Bone Fish and I always do the grilled salmon there... water only and no dessert.
I was told today at work that I HAVE to go back to school and continue my education if I want to keep my position as head teacher. So I am working feverishly trying to test out of subjects, re-enroll and figure out how to pay for it all. My dad has agreed to pay half of my class each semester as long as I keep up with it, which I have to. A lot of people are being told they HAVE to go back to school to keep their job and it's a tricky situation. No one can afford to lose their job but it's not exactly cheap to go back to school either, so there is a lot of stress at work. I missed my walk again today and I can tell that this really effects my mood at work. Sometimes I just need to get out of the building and clear my head for awhile, so Monday it's back to walking. I hope to get in a good walk tomorrow morning, I can walk to get my blood drawn tomorrow not sure how far it is but I'm going to check the mileage tonight.
Any way it was Friday night dinner but since we are in lent we had not meatballs or sausage and my uncle prepared something called (well pronounced) I-Oy! It's angel hair pasta, with baby shrimp and baby clams in an oil/butter sauce. SO yummy and SO not healthy, but we only have it like 2 times a year. So my picture tonight is of some left overs :D
Tomorrow will be busy, blood work at 9am, hitting the sales at Old navy, Lunch with a friend, cleaning and then dinner with my sister and her husband. So it's going to be A LOT of watching what goes into my mouth, and preparing myself. At least the dinner is as Bone Fish and I always do the grilled salmon there... water only and no dessert.
I was told today at work that I HAVE to go back to school and continue my education if I want to keep my position as head teacher. So I am working feverishly trying to test out of subjects, re-enroll and figure out how to pay for it all. My dad has agreed to pay half of my class each semester as long as I keep up with it, which I have to. A lot of people are being told they HAVE to go back to school to keep their job and it's a tricky situation. No one can afford to lose their job but it's not exactly cheap to go back to school either, so there is a lot of stress at work. I missed my walk again today and I can tell that this really effects my mood at work. Sometimes I just need to get out of the building and clear my head for awhile, so Monday it's back to walking. I hope to get in a good walk tomorrow morning, I can walk to get my blood drawn tomorrow not sure how far it is but I'm going to check the mileage tonight.
Any way it was Friday night dinner but since we are in lent we had not meatballs or sausage and my uncle prepared something called (well pronounced) I-Oy! It's angel hair pasta, with baby shrimp and baby clams in an oil/butter sauce. SO yummy and SO not healthy, but we only have it like 2 times a year. So my picture tonight is of some left overs :D
Thursday, March 10, 2011
sick
bronchitis and an ear infection= a very sick Amy.
I didn't walk today because of the rain and because I felt really really horrible all day today, I thought I had the flu at first but no fever so I made a DR appointment but couldn't get one until 4:15 so I pulled through my work day...hardly and finally made it there. I was sent home with another antibiotic and was told if I'm not 100% better in 10 days I have to go back.
My eating has been all over, the start of my day I wasn't hungry at all and had to force a small breakfast and lunch but then I was starving around dinner and I've been picking ever since. I really just want to feel better... I hate feeling sick for the weekends.
Not much to say other then that, I'm going to bed now and hoping to wake up feeling a little better, at least tomorrow is Friday and will be a rather easy day.
My picture tonight is of all the meds and viatmins I'm on... come on spring bring me some good health!
I didn't walk today because of the rain and because I felt really really horrible all day today, I thought I had the flu at first but no fever so I made a DR appointment but couldn't get one until 4:15 so I pulled through my work day...hardly and finally made it there. I was sent home with another antibiotic and was told if I'm not 100% better in 10 days I have to go back.
My eating has been all over, the start of my day I wasn't hungry at all and had to force a small breakfast and lunch but then I was starving around dinner and I've been picking ever since. I really just want to feel better... I hate feeling sick for the weekends.
Not much to say other then that, I'm going to bed now and hoping to wake up feeling a little better, at least tomorrow is Friday and will be a rather easy day.
My picture tonight is of all the meds and viatmins I'm on... come on spring bring me some good health!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I did what?
I had a thin zip up, a sweat shirt, a vest, a scarf, ear covers, my hood up and gloves on today to take my walk... it was COLD! There was also some wind that I could have done with out, but I made it 4 laps today!! Eating was good until dinner... but more on that later. I was just proud that I stuck with walking today...now tomorrow is going to rain and rain a lot and ALL day so I really have to push myself to hit the gym and get in some serious time. I decided that I will come home and have small meal and then hit the gym around 8ish and hope that the traffic at the gym has died down. If not well I guess I'll walk my steps in my apartment.
I did as I planned today and woke up early to get to 6:30am mass to get my ashes and I know my grandmother was very happy that I did it, even my sister was happy about it. They both wish I had a better relationship with god and my religion but it's something I'm working on and it's taking time. I decided to give up sweet tea for lent, I've been getting Turkey Hill 1/2 gallon at the store every week and I could have up to 3 glasses in a night! So no more of that... 40 days... we'll see how that goes. I am still going to try and be more positive about things and make a list about positive things during my day, no more letting negative people ruin my day.
Dinner was rough tonight because we couldn't have meet so my grandmother did coconut shrimp... MY FAVORITE! I only had 5 pieces but that was enough to send my stomach into ups and downs... I still feel pretty gross and she had some amazing mac and cheese which I ate way to much of. But I'm learning to eat in moderation and the fact that I didn't down the WHOLE plate of shrimp is a win in itself.
Tonight I came home and found a comment on my blog... I share these same entries through blogger.com and didn't really think anyone read them. Tonight a comment showed up and it's my picture for the night! Guess what... I inspire people.. who would have thought!?
I did as I planned today and woke up early to get to 6:30am mass to get my ashes and I know my grandmother was very happy that I did it, even my sister was happy about it. They both wish I had a better relationship with god and my religion but it's something I'm working on and it's taking time. I decided to give up sweet tea for lent, I've been getting Turkey Hill 1/2 gallon at the store every week and I could have up to 3 glasses in a night! So no more of that... 40 days... we'll see how that goes. I am still going to try and be more positive about things and make a list about positive things during my day, no more letting negative people ruin my day.
Dinner was rough tonight because we couldn't have meet so my grandmother did coconut shrimp... MY FAVORITE! I only had 5 pieces but that was enough to send my stomach into ups and downs... I still feel pretty gross and she had some amazing mac and cheese which I ate way to much of. But I'm learning to eat in moderation and the fact that I didn't down the WHOLE plate of shrimp is a win in itself.
Tonight I came home and found a comment on my blog... I share these same entries through blogger.com and didn't really think anyone read them. Tonight a comment showed up and it's my picture for the night! Guess what... I inspire people.. who would have thought!?
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Lent?
I walked 4 laps today!! I upped by one lap and I was actually feeling a little tired by the end of it, I'm not going very long distance or time wise but I feel good that I'm moving! So the gym didn't pan out last night but I'm okay with that, I'm just going to keep walking keep eating and doing my thing. Dinner was a loss for me but other then that I had a good day,
It was vegetable day in my classroom, we painted with broccoli and lettuce, read a book about the direction in which vegetables grow and then we had a tasting for our afternoon snack. I cut up some broccoli, cucumber and cherry tomatoes on each of their plate, I also add a little bit of ranch and a little bit of honey mustard for them to dip in. I tell my parents all the time that sometimes adding a little, and I mean a little like ONE tablespoon gives the kids something FUN to do with their veggies. A lot of the kids tried some and they took to the dip very well. I told one parent eventually you can phase out the dip and sometimes they like the veggies all on their own. I felt good setting my kids up for a healthy day!
I'm debating about things to give up for lent, in no way am I an active catholic but this holiday is extremely important to my grandmother so I would like to try for her. I am planning on getting up super early tomorrow go to mass, get my ashes and then I'm having dinner with her tomorrow night. I was thinking of giving up french fries ( my major weakness) but I was also thinking of giving up negative talk at work, I am guilty of being apart of the gossip at work that I hate so much. So instead of giving something up why not take something on, why not taking ON being positive EVERY day... commit to making a list of 5 positive things about my day EACH day... for 40 days? Scares me a little bit!
I have to make up my mind and maybe I'll just do both... NO french fries and POSITIVE attitude everyday! I like the sound of that
My picture tonight is of the veggies I cut up for my kids today!
It was vegetable day in my classroom, we painted with broccoli and lettuce, read a book about the direction in which vegetables grow and then we had a tasting for our afternoon snack. I cut up some broccoli, cucumber and cherry tomatoes on each of their plate, I also add a little bit of ranch and a little bit of honey mustard for them to dip in. I tell my parents all the time that sometimes adding a little, and I mean a little like ONE tablespoon gives the kids something FUN to do with their veggies. A lot of the kids tried some and they took to the dip very well. I told one parent eventually you can phase out the dip and sometimes they like the veggies all on their own. I felt good setting my kids up for a healthy day!
I'm debating about things to give up for lent, in no way am I an active catholic but this holiday is extremely important to my grandmother so I would like to try for her. I am planning on getting up super early tomorrow go to mass, get my ashes and then I'm having dinner with her tomorrow night. I was thinking of giving up french fries ( my major weakness) but I was also thinking of giving up negative talk at work, I am guilty of being apart of the gossip at work that I hate so much. So instead of giving something up why not take something on, why not taking ON being positive EVERY day... commit to making a list of 5 positive things about my day EACH day... for 40 days? Scares me a little bit!
I have to make up my mind and maybe I'll just do both... NO french fries and POSITIVE attitude everyday! I like the sound of that
My picture tonight is of the veggies I cut up for my kids today!
Monday, March 7, 2011
My gym sucks!
Today was a good day! I ate pretty well, even thought my stomach is STILL bothering me, but I managed to get through the day. I had one of the steam fresh meals for dinner and I'm sad to say it wasn't very good. But I'll keep my hopes up for the next one I try, sometimes it just depends. But other then that I had a good day eating wise.
I went for my walk on my break today, it was pretty windy but I managed to get through it and I am planning on adding another lap tomorrow and from now on. I will keep adding laps one a time when I feel comfortable, but 3 laps for me is really quick now.
I packed my gym bag last night and changed before I left work, drove straight there and was annoyed before I parked my car. There was NO parking and when I did find a spot, like a mile away there were NO and I mean NO open machines at all....people were just standing around. I decided to just stretch and try to jump on a treadmill when one opened up, luckily that was soon and that's when I was rushed by an older lady telling me she was next on this machine and that I had to wait my turn.
F*** that!!! Excuse me, I have to wait my turn at a gym!? I turned right around and left, it was more then slightly ridiculous, I mean people were seriously just STANDING there waiting for someone to be done their workout. Even if I had managed to get a machine I would have felt SO rushed, and would have felt like EVERYONE was watching me waiting for me to be done. Needless to say I am looking for a new gym ASAP, I've been considering switching gyms because this one doesn't offer classes, so now I am definitely going to switch.
I spent a lot of time last night browsing through an Italian restaurant menu that I am eating at tomorrow night to try and find something healthy. I am meeting an old friend there, it's a place we use to go to ALL the time. When I did I would get chicken fingers and cheese fries, or pizza and cheese fries or a cheese steak and cheese fries. Everything on the menu is covered in thick sauces, cheese or fried. Not really what I'm looking forward to, which I should have thought about before I agreed to eat there. I'm thinking of doing a small house salad with grilled shrimp (grilled with no butter or oil) and a soup? Any suggestions on how to eat healthy at places like those are greatly appreciated!
Tonight's picture is something I eat multiple times a week.. sweet potato!! I've made fries out of them, mashed potatoes and baked. I like to take one for work and add a little butter and cinnamon, so yummy!!
I went for my walk on my break today, it was pretty windy but I managed to get through it and I am planning on adding another lap tomorrow and from now on. I will keep adding laps one a time when I feel comfortable, but 3 laps for me is really quick now.
I packed my gym bag last night and changed before I left work, drove straight there and was annoyed before I parked my car. There was NO parking and when I did find a spot, like a mile away there were NO and I mean NO open machines at all....people were just standing around. I decided to just stretch and try to jump on a treadmill when one opened up, luckily that was soon and that's when I was rushed by an older lady telling me she was next on this machine and that I had to wait my turn.
F*** that!!! Excuse me, I have to wait my turn at a gym!? I turned right around and left, it was more then slightly ridiculous, I mean people were seriously just STANDING there waiting for someone to be done their workout. Even if I had managed to get a machine I would have felt SO rushed, and would have felt like EVERYONE was watching me waiting for me to be done. Needless to say I am looking for a new gym ASAP, I've been considering switching gyms because this one doesn't offer classes, so now I am definitely going to switch.
I spent a lot of time last night browsing through an Italian restaurant menu that I am eating at tomorrow night to try and find something healthy. I am meeting an old friend there, it's a place we use to go to ALL the time. When I did I would get chicken fingers and cheese fries, or pizza and cheese fries or a cheese steak and cheese fries. Everything on the menu is covered in thick sauces, cheese or fried. Not really what I'm looking forward to, which I should have thought about before I agreed to eat there. I'm thinking of doing a small house salad with grilled shrimp (grilled with no butter or oil) and a soup? Any suggestions on how to eat healthy at places like those are greatly appreciated!
Tonight's picture is something I eat multiple times a week.. sweet potato!! I've made fries out of them, mashed potatoes and baked. I like to take one for work and add a little butter and cinnamon, so yummy!!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Feeling good
Today we didn't do a whole lot, slept in, went to the mall and then cam home and just hung around for awhile. We made a kashi triple mushroom pizza with spinach for lunch, it was actually really good, even my boyfriend liked it!
I grabbed a shirt out of my closet just to try on and I was shocked to see it fit and it fit nicely! The last time I remember trying this shirt on it was so tight I could move it but I looked horrible in it. I felt super skinny as I put on jeans from years ago and I felt great.
I didn't walk at all this weekend, it rained ALL day today, it's still raining and won't stop until like 3am. I am planning on walking tomorrow at my lunch break and then hitting the gym right after work. I do have to babysit at 7pm but that will give me a good 45 minuets at the gym before I have to be there. It will be an easy job, the child will be sleeping and I should only be there for about an hour.
I really want to take advantage of the fact that I don't have to do my usual babysitting job this week and hit the gym at least 3 times if not more. I still plan to walk everyday at lunch as well! I am packing my gym back tonight so I can change before I even leave work tomorrow. I am also going to go in with a positive attitude and not let anyone ruin it tomorrow.
Tonight's picture is of me in my skinny outfit today!
I grabbed a shirt out of my closet just to try on and I was shocked to see it fit and it fit nicely! The last time I remember trying this shirt on it was so tight I could move it but I looked horrible in it. I felt super skinny as I put on jeans from years ago and I felt great.
I didn't walk at all this weekend, it rained ALL day today, it's still raining and won't stop until like 3am. I am planning on walking tomorrow at my lunch break and then hitting the gym right after work. I do have to babysit at 7pm but that will give me a good 45 minuets at the gym before I have to be there. It will be an easy job, the child will be sleeping and I should only be there for about an hour.
I really want to take advantage of the fact that I don't have to do my usual babysitting job this week and hit the gym at least 3 times if not more. I still plan to walk everyday at lunch as well! I am packing my gym back tonight so I can change before I even leave work tomorrow. I am also going to go in with a positive attitude and not let anyone ruin it tomorrow.
Tonight's picture is of me in my skinny outfit today!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Frozen meals
Today was well... not my best. I went to be SUPER late last night... like 2am which caused me to wake up late which caused NO walk which caused a grumpy me.
My boyfriends dad ended up coming up by himself, his mom was feeling very sick so we just went to lunch with his dad and my dad. I wanted to indulge today so I went with the crabcake sandwich, something I never would order. Now I am hating myself.. I have felt so sick since eating, I haven't eaten anything else. I just tried a piece of baked chicken and I still feel gross.
We both fell asleep after his dad left for home and it's been a lazy night since. We did decide to get our grocery shopping done tonight because we are suppose to have a soaking rain tomorrow. I grabbed some vine tomatoes and they smell so yummy! I'm thinking of chopping some up for the rest of the week... throw some in an omelet for breakfast, make a nice salad for lunch, things like that.
I also tried something that I've been trying to stay away from...frozen meals. I picked up two of the healthy choice steam meals and I figured once a week won't kill me on my sodium intake. I will just make sure to drink lots of water that day and watch the rest of my sodium for the day.
So my picture tonight is of the two meals I picked up... I'll be sure to let you all know how they are!
My boyfriends dad ended up coming up by himself, his mom was feeling very sick so we just went to lunch with his dad and my dad. I wanted to indulge today so I went with the crabcake sandwich, something I never would order. Now I am hating myself.. I have felt so sick since eating, I haven't eaten anything else. I just tried a piece of baked chicken and I still feel gross.
We both fell asleep after his dad left for home and it's been a lazy night since. We did decide to get our grocery shopping done tonight because we are suppose to have a soaking rain tomorrow. I grabbed some vine tomatoes and they smell so yummy! I'm thinking of chopping some up for the rest of the week... throw some in an omelet for breakfast, make a nice salad for lunch, things like that.
I also tried something that I've been trying to stay away from...frozen meals. I picked up two of the healthy choice steam meals and I figured once a week won't kill me on my sodium intake. I will just make sure to drink lots of water that day and watch the rest of my sodium for the day.
So my picture tonight is of the two meals I picked up... I'll be sure to let you all know how they are!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Another day of walking!
I walked again today!!! It was a bit colder then I thought it was going to be but I still got in my 3 laps and then headed bed. This was a big accomplishment because I had a panic attack at work, long story short I ended up on the bathroom floor at working trying to relax. I have amazing co workers who took over my room and kept checking up on me. The worst thing is that after I have them I am very sore all over as every muscle in my body tenses up and I get VERY tired.... I'm ready to go to be at 8pm! But I knew that the walk would make me feel better and it helped me destress from it all.
His parents come up tomorrow and we still have to get to the grocery store before the get here. This messed up my walking plans... I could always go after the leave but I'm not sure what time that will be and I want to go before it's dark. I also have to decided where I am going to walk and plan a route, so I wanted to have some time to do this...but I'll make it work.
Today's eating was okay...dinner was bad though as it is always hard to eat healthy at Friday night dinners at my grandmother's house. But I'm just going to take this as another lesson and try harder next week.
My picture tonight has to do with a new goal for me... I've always been embarrassed about my arms so I am going to really focus on defining my arms... here is my before picture, I'll take an after on April 4th!
His parents come up tomorrow and we still have to get to the grocery store before the get here. This messed up my walking plans... I could always go after the leave but I'm not sure what time that will be and I want to go before it's dark. I also have to decided where I am going to walk and plan a route, so I wanted to have some time to do this...but I'll make it work.
Today's eating was okay...dinner was bad though as it is always hard to eat healthy at Friday night dinners at my grandmother's house. But I'm just going to take this as another lesson and try harder next week.
My picture tonight has to do with a new goal for me... I've always been embarrassed about my arms so I am going to really focus on defining my arms... here is my before picture, I'll take an after on April 4th!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Keep on walking!
So I woke up a little sore and I think it's because I walked in my boot yesterday and not my sneakers...lesson learned! I remember my sneakers today and went for another walk, it was so nice to just be out in the sun. I have A LOT on my mind lately and walking is helping me get through some of that stuff. I wish I could do more or go longer but with my schedule it's just not possible.
Eating was good today, thought when I came home I was starved and ate anything I could get into before dinner was ready... ended up having 4 snack size snickers, a roll and after a dinner of eggplant parm, green beans and roasted potatoes I ended it with 5 (YEP 5!) peanut butter cookie. Again lesson learned... DON'T deprive myself of food, have some in MODERATION and these binges will not happen.
It's suppose to be REALLY cold here tomorrow but I still want to get my walk in and since I have to babysit after work my lunch break is the only time I have it. SO I will prepare and I will attempt to go walking again tomorrow... I need this!
I am also looking into getting a job in the weight loss field, there are some positions open with Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers and I think starting there as a sales consultant or coach would be good for me. Extra money never hurts either!
Tonight's picture is of a little sign I made myself when I had down time in my classroom... not sure where to hang it but I am a visual person so I hope this helps!
Eating was good today, thought when I came home I was starved and ate anything I could get into before dinner was ready... ended up having 4 snack size snickers, a roll and after a dinner of eggplant parm, green beans and roasted potatoes I ended it with 5 (YEP 5!) peanut butter cookie. Again lesson learned... DON'T deprive myself of food, have some in MODERATION and these binges will not happen.
It's suppose to be REALLY cold here tomorrow but I still want to get my walk in and since I have to babysit after work my lunch break is the only time I have it. SO I will prepare and I will attempt to go walking again tomorrow... I need this!
I am also looking into getting a job in the weight loss field, there are some positions open with Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers and I think starting there as a sales consultant or coach would be good for me. Extra money never hurts either!
Tonight's picture is of a little sign I made myself when I had down time in my classroom... not sure where to hang it but I am a visual person so I hope this helps!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
1st of the month... body pictures
So today was an okay day at work, there are still some things that are stressing me out but I'm trying to just let it go. My eating was okay today, still fighting this stomach thing and it kept me from going to the gym tonight. I did go for a nice 30min walk on my break... I was very proud of myself, I managed to get 3 laps around a corporate center and it was nice to get out in the fresh air. It was a little cold but the sun was shining and it felt great.
I had made plans to go to the gym tonight but after I ate lunch my stomach was killing me! I had to keep going to the bathroom and I've had a headache ever since. My dad made breakfast for dinner so I ate lighter then normal because he tends to use a lot of butter and oils when he cooks.
I just did my body shots and again I don't see any change, maybe a little bit on my side view but I expected this. In february exercise was non existent and I wasn't trying very hard. This month will be different, I started it out the right way and plan on keeping this up! I am going to walk again tomorrow during my break, it's suppose to be warmer but windy.
I also did my weigh in... 148.8 that means I'm down almost a pound. Sounds little for a month but I know my body is comfortable at this weight and I really has to push to lose! My clothes are still fitting really well and I feel good in them.
So my pictures tonight is of my body shots comparison!
Feb 1st- March 1st Front
Feb 1st- March 1st Side
Feb 1st- March 1st Back
I had made plans to go to the gym tonight but after I ate lunch my stomach was killing me! I had to keep going to the bathroom and I've had a headache ever since. My dad made breakfast for dinner so I ate lighter then normal because he tends to use a lot of butter and oils when he cooks.
I just did my body shots and again I don't see any change, maybe a little bit on my side view but I expected this. In february exercise was non existent and I wasn't trying very hard. This month will be different, I started it out the right way and plan on keeping this up! I am going to walk again tomorrow during my break, it's suppose to be warmer but windy.
I also did my weigh in... 148.8 that means I'm down almost a pound. Sounds little for a month but I know my body is comfortable at this weight and I really has to push to lose! My clothes are still fitting really well and I feel good in them.
So my pictures tonight is of my body shots comparison!
Feb 1st- March 1st Front
Feb 1st- March 1st Side
Feb 1st- March 1st Back
Monday, February 28, 2011
Still sick and rain :(
Today was rainy and crappy and fit my mood ( and everyone elses at work) Everyone just seemed to be annoyed and stressed and it really wore on me since I was feeling so crappy. I had a hard time sleeping because of this cough, it's so annoying! So still going off of very little sleep and I just want to crawl into bed but there is so much to do! This week is crazy and I'm not looking forward to it at all.
I am stressed because his parents are coming on saturday and his mother is gluten free, sugar free tries to limit her dairy intake. My grandmother invited everyone over for lunch but I have NO idea what to cook for her, I just want her to be comfortable here and not feel sick while she is here, it's about a 2 hour drive here.
I am still feeling slightly nauseous at times and when I do feel hungry the moment I start to eat I feel sick, so it was very light eating tonight. Since I am so tired I don't have much to say, I have to go finish dishes and take a shower and then head to bed.
Tonight's picture is of my empty plate.. it was only a small piece of fish stuffed with crabmeat since I couldn't handle a whole...but damn it was yummy!
I am stressed because his parents are coming on saturday and his mother is gluten free, sugar free tries to limit her dairy intake. My grandmother invited everyone over for lunch but I have NO idea what to cook for her, I just want her to be comfortable here and not feel sick while she is here, it's about a 2 hour drive here.
I am still feeling slightly nauseous at times and when I do feel hungry the moment I start to eat I feel sick, so it was very light eating tonight. Since I am so tired I don't have much to say, I have to go finish dishes and take a shower and then head to bed.
Tonight's picture is of my empty plate.. it was only a small piece of fish stuffed with crabmeat since I couldn't handle a whole...but damn it was yummy!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Birthday!
Wow last night was LONG but so much fun, I haven't seen my boyfriend smile and laugh like that in a long time and I really enjoyed myself. I had chicken tacos for dinner with a couple french fries but I was drinking red bull and vodkas.... not great for me but didn't have ANY soda, which is usually my normal bar drink.
I started off yesterday by making him a great breakfast of cinnamon vanilla french toast, cheesy scrambled eggs and bacon... I had 2 bites on the french toast (not really a fan) and a bite of eggs. I was still feeling sick so I had a baked sweet potato for lunch. Trying to drink as much water as possible until I feel better and can eat more. I feel fine but when I start eating I feel so sick and everything bothers my stomach... even after dinner last night I was afraid I would have to leave early but I pushed through it.
We all had a great time and came back to our apartment and played some card games, talked and watched TV. I finally hit the bed at about 4am but never fell asleep until 5 and was up at about 7:30 cooking breakfast again... I was fine until about an hour ago when it hit me, I had plans to go walk at a local park with my sister and her family but my head cold is killing me!! I had two small biscuits, some scrapple and eggs for breakfast... my stomach has revolted since then... we are suppose to go out again tonight... but we'll see.
My pictures for this weekend are... the breakfast I made for his yesterday and the bill from last night!
Br
I started off yesterday by making him a great breakfast of cinnamon vanilla french toast, cheesy scrambled eggs and bacon... I had 2 bites on the french toast (not really a fan) and a bite of eggs. I was still feeling sick so I had a baked sweet potato for lunch. Trying to drink as much water as possible until I feel better and can eat more. I feel fine but when I start eating I feel so sick and everything bothers my stomach... even after dinner last night I was afraid I would have to leave early but I pushed through it.
We all had a great time and came back to our apartment and played some card games, talked and watched TV. I finally hit the bed at about 4am but never fell asleep until 5 and was up at about 7:30 cooking breakfast again... I was fine until about an hour ago when it hit me, I had plans to go walk at a local park with my sister and her family but my head cold is killing me!! I had two small biscuits, some scrapple and eggs for breakfast... my stomach has revolted since then... we are suppose to go out again tonight... but we'll see.
My pictures for this weekend are... the breakfast I made for his yesterday and the bill from last night!
Br
Friday, February 25, 2011
Beach day!
Today was another crazy day! I am still not feeling well and my eating was all over the place... I was starving this morning and then not hungry during the day and then I was so ready for dinner.. ugg I hate feeling this way because it makes my weight go all over the place. Plus I am SO stressed about tomorrow and planning my boyfriends birthday.
I will say that at least I had fun at work...it was beach day! We had the kids in their bathing suits and we had beach balls, lays and all sorts of stuff. I got all decked out and we made a whole day out of it, I even brought in a special treat for my kids, popsicles! They laid out their beach towels and enjoyed a great afternoon snack.
I don't have much to say today but I will try really hard to blog tomorrow and sunday but with everything we have planned...it's going to be hard... I have to keep at this, it's been helping so much!
My picture tonight is of the outfit I wore to work...just another reason I love working with kids...this was totally acceptable beach day wear!
I will say that at least I had fun at work...it was beach day! We had the kids in their bathing suits and we had beach balls, lays and all sorts of stuff. I got all decked out and we made a whole day out of it, I even brought in a special treat for my kids, popsicles! They laid out their beach towels and enjoyed a great afternoon snack.
I don't have much to say today but I will try really hard to blog tomorrow and sunday but with everything we have planned...it's going to be hard... I have to keep at this, it's been helping so much!
My picture tonight is of the outfit I wore to work...just another reason I love working with kids...this was totally acceptable beach day wear!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
New dinner recipe
Today was not a good day eating wise.... I got so caught up in having my boyfriend home last night that I forgot to make my breakfast or lunch for today but figured I'd get up early and do it in the morning. Then I woke up and felt like crap! I hit my alarm twice and before you know it had to get out the door...no food in hand. I was carving Mcdonalds so I stopped and got 3 has browns and had them for my breakfast... and that was it. I had a bottle of Propel Zero that I sipped on for the rest of the day. I had no lunch or money for lunch so I just didn't eat.... my stomach didn't really mind because this cough I have is making me super nauseous. I had about 10 wheat thins while the kids were snacking and that was it. I came home and was hungry!! Luckily we had a crock pot meal going...Hawaiian chicken here from sparkpeople. I had one piece with some left over mac and cheese and corn from last night. I also had 2 wedges of babybell for about 100 calories.
My stomach is still not feeling so great and I sound like a dog when I cough...just in time for my boyfriends birthday this weekend. I hate this. We have so many sick kids and most of the parents can't afford to keep their kids home because they have to work. So in turn I ended up getting sick but I can't take time off either because I can't afford it. It's a big viscous circle. I am already in my PJs just relaxing on the couch, I am going to make my breakfast and lunch before I head to bed in a little bit.
I was proud because I turned down ordering lunch out (saving my money!) and a cupcake! I also tried to keep a positive attitude all day and it worked for the most part. So glad tomorrow is Friday and really looking forward to this weekend!
Tonight's picture is of my yummy dinner, the chicken was so tender I loved it! A good way to get in some extra fruit servings!
My stomach is still not feeling so great and I sound like a dog when I cough...just in time for my boyfriends birthday this weekend. I hate this. We have so many sick kids and most of the parents can't afford to keep their kids home because they have to work. So in turn I ended up getting sick but I can't take time off either because I can't afford it. It's a big viscous circle. I am already in my PJs just relaxing on the couch, I am going to make my breakfast and lunch before I head to bed in a little bit.
I was proud because I turned down ordering lunch out (saving my money!) and a cupcake! I also tried to keep a positive attitude all day and it worked for the most part. So glad tomorrow is Friday and really looking forward to this weekend!
Tonight's picture is of my yummy dinner, the chicken was so tender I loved it! A good way to get in some extra fruit servings!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
A lovely dinner
Today was pretty good eating wise, I still had trouble snacking on some wheat thins and cheez its but I just have to learn to deal with these things in my classroom and not take a handful when the children are eating snack. I felt a little sick today pretty sure it's a chest thing when I cough it hurts and my throat is kind of sore. As you can see I didn't make my bed time tonight but I had reasons.
For the first night in awhile my boyfriend was home from work ( he took the day off to do some things) and I just wanted to cuddle with him as much as possible, I hate not seeing him during the week it makes for a very lonely girl. He had dinner already made when I came home, steak, mac and cheese and corn. It was WONDERFUL not to come home and make dinner or think about it, I miss him so much!
It was so nice because he had our candle lit and we sat at our little table in the living room and just talked. These are the nights that make me want to be happy again and feel comfortable with myself because I want to be comfortable around him. We also watched I Used To Be Fat on MTV and she ran a 5k at the end of her show. I have a 5k coming up on Mother's day and this makes me miss running so much. He told me I just have to go do it... and I do!
Tonight's picture is of our lovely candle we ate dinner by
For the first night in awhile my boyfriend was home from work ( he took the day off to do some things) and I just wanted to cuddle with him as much as possible, I hate not seeing him during the week it makes for a very lonely girl. He had dinner already made when I came home, steak, mac and cheese and corn. It was WONDERFUL not to come home and make dinner or think about it, I miss him so much!
It was so nice because he had our candle lit and we sat at our little table in the living room and just talked. These are the nights that make me want to be happy again and feel comfortable with myself because I want to be comfortable around him. We also watched I Used To Be Fat on MTV and she ran a 5k at the end of her show. I have a 5k coming up on Mother's day and this makes me miss running so much. He told me I just have to go do it... and I do!
Tonight's picture is of our lovely candle we ate dinner by
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
It's a good start...
I went to my Dr and it was nice to hear her confirm that I'm not crazy and that it really is my depression and she put me back on my medicine. I told her about my weight and eating issues and she wants me to try my medicine for a month, see if that helps and if I still feel unable to control my eating habits she will refer me to a nutritionist but she thinks this will really help get me back on track.
Work was okay, I really do have some great co-workers who make life much easier and keep me laughing when I need it the most. I am trying to just keep my head up about things, keep the annoying things ( and people) at bay in my mind and move forward. We are celebrating my boyfriends birthday this weekend and I am really looking forward to it because I have a couple of surprises for him.
I am on my TOM so I am eating WAY more then I should but again it's just that "I don't care" mood, but I'm trying to at least make some healthy choices and limit the unhealthy ones. Breakfast this morning was 2 eggs scrambled with some shredded mozzarella cheese and orange peppers on a tortilla with some ketchup and half a large apple. I snacked through the day on some wheat thins and a whole wheat blueberry muffin. Lunch was a couple pieces of roasted chicken on whole wheat bread with a little bit of mayo and the other half of my apple. I also had a handful of cherry tomatoes and a wedge of babybell cheese. Dinner was at my dad's tonight and that was pork, green beans, mix of carrots, cauliflower, broccoli and red peppers and some mac and cheese. I also had like 7 Hershey kisses with almond inside YUM! I also ate some cookies as a snack tonight...boo!
Oh well I'm off to prep my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow and get my clothes ready. My boyfriend has to be up early and I know we will be bumping into each other as we get ready so I want to be extra prepared, I have to be in early tomorrow again!
Tonight's picture is of the promise ring my boyfriend gave me 2 Christmases ago, it fit perfectly when I first got it and over the 3 or 4 months I noticed it has gotten loose. Some times it feels like it will slip right off! It's beautiful and I love wearing it everyday!
Work was okay, I really do have some great co-workers who make life much easier and keep me laughing when I need it the most. I am trying to just keep my head up about things, keep the annoying things ( and people) at bay in my mind and move forward. We are celebrating my boyfriends birthday this weekend and I am really looking forward to it because I have a couple of surprises for him.
I am on my TOM so I am eating WAY more then I should but again it's just that "I don't care" mood, but I'm trying to at least make some healthy choices and limit the unhealthy ones. Breakfast this morning was 2 eggs scrambled with some shredded mozzarella cheese and orange peppers on a tortilla with some ketchup and half a large apple. I snacked through the day on some wheat thins and a whole wheat blueberry muffin. Lunch was a couple pieces of roasted chicken on whole wheat bread with a little bit of mayo and the other half of my apple. I also had a handful of cherry tomatoes and a wedge of babybell cheese. Dinner was at my dad's tonight and that was pork, green beans, mix of carrots, cauliflower, broccoli and red peppers and some mac and cheese. I also had like 7 Hershey kisses with almond inside YUM! I also ate some cookies as a snack tonight...boo!
Oh well I'm off to prep my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow and get my clothes ready. My boyfriend has to be up early and I know we will be bumping into each other as we get ready so I want to be extra prepared, I have to be in early tomorrow again!
Tonight's picture is of the promise ring my boyfriend gave me 2 Christmases ago, it fit perfectly when I first got it and over the 3 or 4 months I noticed it has gotten loose. Some times it feels like it will slip right off! It's beautiful and I love wearing it everyday!
Monday, February 21, 2011
New bedtime!
Today was quiet at work, we only had 5 kids, I could have managed the classroom myself but I let my directors know we had a lot to do and didn't want to lose my assistant. So they let me keep her but with attitude of course.
We got a lot done and had a lot of laughs which I really needed! Then we went and got our nails done (YAY for gift certificates!) and then grabbed some pizza. We shared a personal mushroom pizza and some fries. But I felt good about the sharing and I had some water to go with it. I didn't hit the gym but I'm still trying to get back to my eating.
I see my doctor tomorrow and I am actually feeling really relieved about it, I want to tell her so much about everything and see if she can really help me. I just want to feel like myself again!
I feel like this will be a good week for me, I'm going to make it a good week!!!
My picture tonight is of my bedtime... I'm heading to bed as soon as I am done writing this blog! I am trying to get to bed before 10pm every night this week!!!
We got a lot done and had a lot of laughs which I really needed! Then we went and got our nails done (YAY for gift certificates!) and then grabbed some pizza. We shared a personal mushroom pizza and some fries. But I felt good about the sharing and I had some water to go with it. I didn't hit the gym but I'm still trying to get back to my eating.
I see my doctor tomorrow and I am actually feeling really relieved about it, I want to tell her so much about everything and see if she can really help me. I just want to feel like myself again!
I feel like this will be a good week for me, I'm going to make it a good week!!!
My picture tonight is of my bedtime... I'm heading to bed as soon as I am done writing this blog! I am trying to get to bed before 10pm every night this week!!!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Blog Fail
Wow... I can't believe I missed blogging two days in a row... can you tell I'm in a funk? I've been hit with so much and I'm doubting everything in my life. My relationships, my job and my confidence. I've been going through the motions these last couple of days and very angry. I've made it a point to go out and do something but each night I come home and am still questioning EVERYTHING. I will make this a short one as I don't want to focus on the negative.
My plans this week... gym Monday and Thursday and looking into a yoga class this week. I have to prepare for my boyfriends birthday this weekend, changing over my classroom for next month and just the hassle of regular life.
My picture for day 49 is my yoga mat rolled up sitting in a corner...I want to so badly get back to going to power yoga once a week, I love it!
My picture for day 50 is my freezer... The frozen meals are my boyfriends, he takes them for lunches and my favorite is the steam in a bag veggies...quick and easy!
My picture for day 51 is my fridge...sad sad fridge...this is AFTER we went grocery shopping and cleaned out all the left overs.... what do you stock your fridge with?
My plans this week... gym Monday and Thursday and looking into a yoga class this week. I have to prepare for my boyfriends birthday this weekend, changing over my classroom for next month and just the hassle of regular life.
My picture for day 49 is my yoga mat rolled up sitting in a corner...I want to so badly get back to going to power yoga once a week, I love it!
My picture for day 50 is my freezer... The frozen meals are my boyfriends, he takes them for lunches and my favorite is the steam in a bag veggies...quick and easy!
My picture for day 51 is my fridge...sad sad fridge...this is AFTER we went grocery shopping and cleaned out all the left overs.... what do you stock your fridge with?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Putting in the effort
So after last night's entry I woke up feeling a little bit better about the look out on things. I have my DR appointment and got it OKed by work, I had a serious chat with my boss about it and she totally understands.
I decided to try and get dressed a little nicer today, just put the effort in. After my shower last night I threw some gel in my hair and let it curl. Everyone at work loved it, I got so many compliments it really helped boost my mood. My two friends took their break with me and we headed to the mall where I scored 4 shirts ( 3 for me, 1 for my boyfriend) for $21! Can't beat that! I love scoring a good deal! We had a good talk and I am really appreciative of having them both in my life.
I also think the nice weather helped, it was beautiful today and we were able to take my class out two times today, and that helps all around. Tomorrow is suppose to be EVEN nicer so I am planning on wearing a dress. I am also going to pack my sneakers, pants and shirt to go on a nice long walk tomorrow during my break. Soaking up the sun feels so nice! My dad thinks this crappy weather has a lot to do with my mood too.
I just wanted to give a shout out to JESSICA1999PA for all the wonderful support she has been giving me! And everyone else who has been commenting on my blog... JESS0107 you have been so helpful!
I am so thankful for this place and the people I have been introduced to. I may not be where I want to be right now but I know I am going to get there!!!
My picture tonight is a side view of how I wore my hair... it'll have to grow on me I'm just so use to straight hair!
I decided to try and get dressed a little nicer today, just put the effort in. After my shower last night I threw some gel in my hair and let it curl. Everyone at work loved it, I got so many compliments it really helped boost my mood. My two friends took their break with me and we headed to the mall where I scored 4 shirts ( 3 for me, 1 for my boyfriend) for $21! Can't beat that! I love scoring a good deal! We had a good talk and I am really appreciative of having them both in my life.
I also think the nice weather helped, it was beautiful today and we were able to take my class out two times today, and that helps all around. Tomorrow is suppose to be EVEN nicer so I am planning on wearing a dress. I am also going to pack my sneakers, pants and shirt to go on a nice long walk tomorrow during my break. Soaking up the sun feels so nice! My dad thinks this crappy weather has a lot to do with my mood too.
I just wanted to give a shout out to JESSICA1999PA for all the wonderful support she has been giving me! And everyone else who has been commenting on my blog... JESS0107 you have been so helpful!
I am so thankful for this place and the people I have been introduced to. I may not be where I want to be right now but I know I am going to get there!!!
My picture tonight is a side view of how I wore my hair... it'll have to grow on me I'm just so use to straight hair!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Depression...
So I haven't ever really written about this in a public forum so forgive me if it's long winded or turns into a rambling.
After my mom passed away I had a hard time and delt with a lot of depression. I sought out treatment, spending a few days away from my family, and seeked medical attention for what I needed. I saw a bereavement counselor for a while and felt good about how we left things.
I was put on and tried many different anti-depressants until I found one that I really liked. I was on this certain one for awhile and began to feel like myself again, happy. After many talks with my doctor we eased me off of it and it felt great to be medication free. Life got great after that, I met my boyfriend, got a job and my own car. Life was good... 2 years later my symptoms were back and I tried more medicine but shortly after left my job. I was unemployed for a little over a year but actually felt great, so the medication stopped.
I often have my moments, and usually find my moods going down towards the Holidays as these are the times I remember the most about my mother and it's always a struggle, but now that my family has expanded it's much easier. So it was much to my surprise when I passed the last two holiday seasons with out any symptoms. I was finally feeling like maybe I didn't need medicine and that everything had worked it self out.
If you have been reading my last couple of entries you can see that I have been struggling with some low points. I was chalking it up to stress and the pressure of getting healthy but when I stopped myself (while eating fast food in my car, on my lunch break) I realized something... my depression is back and in full swing.
LIGHT BULB moment! Well if I take a look at everything there were signs everywhere and I should have seen this from the very beginning. I called my doctor today and made an appointment for next week to talk about going back on my medication. I also talked with my dad about it, he shares the history of depression as well, and he agreed with me. He said I know my own body and I shouldn't be ashamed of being on medicine, if it helps I should do it.
I know it will take my body at least a month to adjust to the new medicine and I am hoping to see some changes within the next month. I also hope this helps get my motivation back and let me get healthy and back where I was.
My picture tonight is a treat I gave myself... girl scouts cookies... just two tonight!
After my mom passed away I had a hard time and delt with a lot of depression. I sought out treatment, spending a few days away from my family, and seeked medical attention for what I needed. I saw a bereavement counselor for a while and felt good about how we left things.
I was put on and tried many different anti-depressants until I found one that I really liked. I was on this certain one for awhile and began to feel like myself again, happy. After many talks with my doctor we eased me off of it and it felt great to be medication free. Life got great after that, I met my boyfriend, got a job and my own car. Life was good... 2 years later my symptoms were back and I tried more medicine but shortly after left my job. I was unemployed for a little over a year but actually felt great, so the medication stopped.
I often have my moments, and usually find my moods going down towards the Holidays as these are the times I remember the most about my mother and it's always a struggle, but now that my family has expanded it's much easier. So it was much to my surprise when I passed the last two holiday seasons with out any symptoms. I was finally feeling like maybe I didn't need medicine and that everything had worked it self out.
If you have been reading my last couple of entries you can see that I have been struggling with some low points. I was chalking it up to stress and the pressure of getting healthy but when I stopped myself (while eating fast food in my car, on my lunch break) I realized something... my depression is back and in full swing.
LIGHT BULB moment! Well if I take a look at everything there were signs everywhere and I should have seen this from the very beginning. I called my doctor today and made an appointment for next week to talk about going back on my medication. I also talked with my dad about it, he shares the history of depression as well, and he agreed with me. He said I know my own body and I shouldn't be ashamed of being on medicine, if it helps I should do it.
I know it will take my body at least a month to adjust to the new medicine and I am hoping to see some changes within the next month. I also hope this helps get my motivation back and let me get healthy and back where I was.
My picture tonight is a treat I gave myself... girl scouts cookies... just two tonight!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
paper work
paper work... that's what I'm surrounded by.
The meeting with the chief of police was a waste of my time, he is such an idiot and I really left just annoyed more then anything. He said to call if I see anything and I will... if I see ANYTHING I will call them, they will get to know my name real quick.
I had lots of journal entries to catch up on and curriculum to finish so I've been sitting here for the last couple of hours just writing and writing and writing. I hate it. This is the part that makes me not want to be in this field. I have a headache, I ate a crappy dinner but I know tomorrow will be better because...well it will be tomorrow and not today!
My picture is of the work surrounding me... craziness!
The meeting with the chief of police was a waste of my time, he is such an idiot and I really left just annoyed more then anything. He said to call if I see anything and I will... if I see ANYTHING I will call them, they will get to know my name real quick.
I had lots of journal entries to catch up on and curriculum to finish so I've been sitting here for the last couple of hours just writing and writing and writing. I hate it. This is the part that makes me not want to be in this field. I have a headache, I ate a crappy dinner but I know tomorrow will be better because...well it will be tomorrow and not today!
My picture is of the work surrounding me... craziness!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentines Day
Wow today was ALL over the place, and none of the goals I had were met today... HUGE FAIL! I'm having issues with a lot of personal things right now, it's an internal argument and it's been bad.
I wish I could take a break from my life and breathe for one second, and now I'm running late with everything else I wanted to do. I have that big meeting with the chief of police tomorrow night and I am SO nervous, plus curriculum to write, and a new month to plan for and money, money, money.
I did come home to flowers from my boyfriend... Happy Valentines Day!
I wish I could take a break from my life and breathe for one second, and now I'm running late with everything else I wanted to do. I have that big meeting with the chief of police tomorrow night and I am SO nervous, plus curriculum to write, and a new month to plan for and money, money, money.
I did come home to flowers from my boyfriend... Happy Valentines Day!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
picture less
Yes another picture-less blog... I really need my own laptop!
I've tried to stop feeling so sorry for myself and while it is kind of working I'm till annoyed about dishing out so much money! I have my bags packed for the gym tomorrow and will change before I leave so no excuses!!! My goal is to hit the gym 3 days this week and get back to running... I have a 5k on mothers day that I need to get geared up for!
Sorry this is short but typing on my nook is hard!
I've tried to stop feeling so sorry for myself and while it is kind of working I'm till annoyed about dishing out so much money! I have my bags packed for the gym tomorrow and will change before I leave so no excuses!!! My goal is to hit the gym 3 days this week and get back to running... I have a 5k on mothers day that I need to get geared up for!
Sorry this is short but typing on my nook is hard!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
depressed
It has hit me full force and I usually get this way at least once a year and I hate it. I will be adding a picture tomorrow because I am writing this from my nook.
I had a bad day only eating one meal, an apple and two brownies. I tried to do my taxes and I am only getting $66 back... that is my car insurance. So yea I'm pissed ad annoyed and really tired of worrying about money.
Tomorrow is going to be busy, but I will be with my family so I know my mood will be better but there will be food, food and more food. So it will be a strugggle and I hope I can make it!
I will add my picture tomorrow but I wanted to blog so I could have some accountability... I hope this helps me
I had a bad day only eating one meal, an apple and two brownies. I tried to do my taxes and I am only getting $66 back... that is my car insurance. So yea I'm pissed ad annoyed and really tired of worrying about money.
Tomorrow is going to be busy, but I will be with my family so I know my mood will be better but there will be food, food and more food. So it will be a strugggle and I hope I can make it!
I will add my picture tomorrow but I wanted to blog so I could have some accountability... I hope this helps me
Friday, February 11, 2011
Money sucks!
So I've hit a low today... had to take my car to get inspected... it's going to end up costing me about $550 to get it fixed and on the road. That is ALL of the money I have saved right now... I'll be right back where I was and I've worked hard to put away at least SOME money!
I was just devastated when I got the news and it only made me fight with my boyfriend and eat french fries for lunch. I was in such a foul mood I just couldn't get my mind off of it, I had been defeated. My boyfriend has offered to help me pay for it because he makes good money and has money put away, but I still felt that "why me" and I still kind of do.
I had made plans to go with my sister and two little cousins to see that Justin Beieber (sp?) movie and I decided to just go. I had 2 pretzel bites and a couple sour gummy bears. I avoided SODA which I was super proud of.
I was suppose to go to a friends party but I'm just so.... BLAH. I've put on my pajamas and think that the couch will be my friend for the night. I've got a weekend of stressing about money and my car... so I want to just take it easy tonight.
Tonight's picture is my new obsession... greek yogurt mixed with fruit! So far strawberry is my favorite, then the pomegranate and then the peach! Very yummy!
I was just devastated when I got the news and it only made me fight with my boyfriend and eat french fries for lunch. I was in such a foul mood I just couldn't get my mind off of it, I had been defeated. My boyfriend has offered to help me pay for it because he makes good money and has money put away, but I still felt that "why me" and I still kind of do.
I had made plans to go with my sister and two little cousins to see that Justin Beieber (sp?) movie and I decided to just go. I had 2 pretzel bites and a couple sour gummy bears. I avoided SODA which I was super proud of.
I was suppose to go to a friends party but I'm just so.... BLAH. I've put on my pajamas and think that the couch will be my friend for the night. I've got a weekend of stressing about money and my car... so I want to just take it easy tonight.
Tonight's picture is my new obsession... greek yogurt mixed with fruit! So far strawberry is my favorite, then the pomegranate and then the peach! Very yummy!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Jeans, Jeans, Jeans
Today was an okay day, still working on the stress but had a good day eating... I just stuck with 3 meals, no snacking... I am still testing to see what works best with my body. Now while they all weren't the healthiest choices, I didn't snack at all! I am still SODA free and am feeling really good about myself.
I will be tested tomorrow as I head to the movies with my sister and two cousins tomorrow night. I am trying to pack a dinner I can eat before I leave work so that I won't have to rush eating something or go there hungry, because THAT will be a mistake! But I am PLANNING and that is what works for me.
I started out wanted to get skinny but slowly this has changed into becoming HEALTHY, mentally and physically. I am still dealing with self esteem issues and being able to look at myself without tearing myself apart. I've had trouble getting intimate with my boyfriend because I'm afraid of what he will see or touch. I've turned down invites to dinners because I didn't want to be judged by what I ate. I've missed out on parties and gatherings with friends because I had "nothing" to wear.
I am now fully understanding that this is more then hitting the gym a couple times a week and eating fruits and vegetables. This is about being comfortable in my skin and showing the world what I am all about. I have something to give and I can't keep letting the fact that I feel fat get in the way of all of that. I could make serious change in the education field and I have a lot of fantastic ideas about how to run a classroom but I let that fear hold me back.
I often argue with myself in my head about what I want to do. It's ridiculous how much I talk myself OUT of. And all the bad things I talked myself into. It's a disaster some times, and this I am also working on. I know I have the will power to do great things... I just have to find it!
tonight's picture is a personal victory.... a FULL drawer of jeans that all fit!! I use to only have 2 pairs that fit me and now I have at least 10!! LOVE IT!
I will be tested tomorrow as I head to the movies with my sister and two cousins tomorrow night. I am trying to pack a dinner I can eat before I leave work so that I won't have to rush eating something or go there hungry, because THAT will be a mistake! But I am PLANNING and that is what works for me.
I started out wanted to get skinny but slowly this has changed into becoming HEALTHY, mentally and physically. I am still dealing with self esteem issues and being able to look at myself without tearing myself apart. I've had trouble getting intimate with my boyfriend because I'm afraid of what he will see or touch. I've turned down invites to dinners because I didn't want to be judged by what I ate. I've missed out on parties and gatherings with friends because I had "nothing" to wear.
I am now fully understanding that this is more then hitting the gym a couple times a week and eating fruits and vegetables. This is about being comfortable in my skin and showing the world what I am all about. I have something to give and I can't keep letting the fact that I feel fat get in the way of all of that. I could make serious change in the education field and I have a lot of fantastic ideas about how to run a classroom but I let that fear hold me back.
I often argue with myself in my head about what I want to do. It's ridiculous how much I talk myself OUT of. And all the bad things I talked myself into. It's a disaster some times, and this I am also working on. I know I have the will power to do great things... I just have to find it!
tonight's picture is a personal victory.... a FULL drawer of jeans that all fit!! I use to only have 2 pairs that fit me and now I have at least 10!! LOVE IT!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Ready for the weekend!
So my night plans changed, my step brother is moving to FL and decided he would earlier, like this Friday instead of in 6 weeks. So he came up to my dad's house to see his mom and my dad so we could all say good bye. I ate dinner over there, had a little bit of everything and felt satisfied with it.
But I had such a good dinner planned that I came home and made it away, put some away for my lunch tomorrow and the rest is for my boyfriend to eat. I tasted the swordfish and it was yummy! I am looking forward to lunch!
I still need to get back on track with my exercise and find where the rest of my motivation went. Sometimes I let things get me down too easily.. that is something I am working on. I have realized this isn't just about changing my body but my mind as well. I'm not very healthy mentally and I would like to change that too.
SO my goals for the next couple of days are to get in SOME kind of exercise and take time everyday to just sit down and relax even if it's for 5 minuets and I have to do it in the bathroom at work. I cannot let stress over run my head and work is just that...work. It can be apart of my life but not my WHOLE life.
my picture tonight is of my lunch for tomorrow... yummy!
But I had such a good dinner planned that I came home and made it away, put some away for my lunch tomorrow and the rest is for my boyfriend to eat. I tasted the swordfish and it was yummy! I am looking forward to lunch!
I still need to get back on track with my exercise and find where the rest of my motivation went. Sometimes I let things get me down too easily.. that is something I am working on. I have realized this isn't just about changing my body but my mind as well. I'm not very healthy mentally and I would like to change that too.
SO my goals for the next couple of days are to get in SOME kind of exercise and take time everyday to just sit down and relax even if it's for 5 minuets and I have to do it in the bathroom at work. I cannot let stress over run my head and work is just that...work. It can be apart of my life but not my WHOLE life.
my picture tonight is of my lunch for tomorrow... yummy!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Getting my motivation back!
So I felt a little bit better at work today and I am just trying to push through this week. For some reason I feel like this is the crazy busy season but really I think it's because they kids can't go outside as much and it starts to wear on them and on me. I am trying to do physical activities with them but you can only have a dance party so many times before that get's routine. We also do yoga and some jumping around but it's difficult to be creative with these things.
Sometimes I just need to put on my big girl panties and deal with things, which is what I did today. I left work, dropped of a little baby I bring home every night, went to my dad's for dinner then to my grandmother's to use the printer to finish up some work. Then I came home and finished my curriculum while watching GLEE. I went in and made a plate for my boyfriend to eat when he gets home, I also did one of those steamer bags in the microwave, brown rice, for him to eat some. I also packed some of the rice for my lunch tomorrow. I also took some swordfish steaks out to defrost and have some asparagus marinading in the fridge for dinner tomorrow. I made a ZUMBA date with another teacher so that will be a nice and light dish for after jumping around.
I am seeing my motivation and spark come back... not sure what happened but I think just life. I am trying to do so much and get so much accomplished that I burn myself out. I have to realize that I need some time to just relax and not think that I need to take on the WHOLE world all at once. One baby step at a time!
My picture for tonight is my yummy asparagus that is marinading in for tomorrow's dinner!
Sometimes I just need to put on my big girl panties and deal with things, which is what I did today. I left work, dropped of a little baby I bring home every night, went to my dad's for dinner then to my grandmother's to use the printer to finish up some work. Then I came home and finished my curriculum while watching GLEE. I went in and made a plate for my boyfriend to eat when he gets home, I also did one of those steamer bags in the microwave, brown rice, for him to eat some. I also packed some of the rice for my lunch tomorrow. I also took some swordfish steaks out to defrost and have some asparagus marinading in the fridge for dinner tomorrow. I made a ZUMBA date with another teacher so that will be a nice and light dish for after jumping around.
I am seeing my motivation and spark come back... not sure what happened but I think just life. I am trying to do so much and get so much accomplished that I burn myself out. I have to realize that I need some time to just relax and not think that I need to take on the WHOLE world all at once. One baby step at a time!
My picture for tonight is my yummy asparagus that is marinading in for tomorrow's dinner!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Failure
First I owe an apology to JESSICA1999PA because I didn't exercise today... I'm sorry to let you down.
This won't be a long one because I can't barley type, I am just so annoyed and upset. It was a bad day at work, I got in trouble about something and then all hell broke lose which included me eating 10, yep that's right 10, organic chicken steamed dumplings. I was saving them for dinner and lunch tomorrow... I ate them right along with a roasted veggie wrap. I felt HORRIBLE afterwords and still do.
I can barley think about food but there was nothing left out for dinner (my fault) and I have no motivation to make anything, I may just order something for the boy. I feel horrible and disappointed and I'm heading to bed now. I feel like such a failure tonight :(
This won't be a long one because I can't barley type, I am just so annoyed and upset. It was a bad day at work, I got in trouble about something and then all hell broke lose which included me eating 10, yep that's right 10, organic chicken steamed dumplings. I was saving them for dinner and lunch tomorrow... I ate them right along with a roasted veggie wrap. I felt HORRIBLE afterwords and still do.
I can barley think about food but there was nothing left out for dinner (my fault) and I have no motivation to make anything, I may just order something for the boy. I feel horrible and disappointed and I'm heading to bed now. I feel like such a failure tonight :(
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Superbowl!!
So tonight is the SUPERBOWL! We are spending the game with my sister, her husband and my nephew! We already ate and only have some chips and dip, guacamole and salsa to snack on, but I'm going to try and stay away really.
Today was our usual relaxing sunday, grabbed a few new things at the store to try and see if I like them. I picked up some of those greek yogurts mixed with fruit. I picked up a peach, a strawberry and a pomegranate one. I also picked up something new from Kellog, potato crisps, look like potato chips and they are sour cream and onion flavor.
I am still feeling good, SODA FREE, taking my vitamins but still not getting in exercise like I should. My plan is to come home tomorrow and do another day of Jillian's 30 DS! Hold me to this so I can't get out of it SparkFriends!
Well here is the one thing I will indulge in tonight at my sister's house! Not sure which one I will eat yet!
Today was our usual relaxing sunday, grabbed a few new things at the store to try and see if I like them. I picked up some of those greek yogurts mixed with fruit. I picked up a peach, a strawberry and a pomegranate one. I also picked up something new from Kellog, potato crisps, look like potato chips and they are sour cream and onion flavor.
I am still feeling good, SODA FREE, taking my vitamins but still not getting in exercise like I should. My plan is to come home tomorrow and do another day of Jillian's 30 DS! Hold me to this so I can't get out of it SparkFriends!
Well here is the one thing I will indulge in tonight at my sister's house! Not sure which one I will eat yet!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Making that money
So I was very busy today, I had to babysit from 10-3:30, stop by my sisters and then head to a gold party from 5-7. I was running around all day babysitting and it was a lot of fun, she is a great little girl and keeps me on my toes. While there I tried one of their greek yogurts mixed with fruit and I think I'm going to pick up some tomorrow at the store from a snack or to help bulk up my breakfast.
I ended up selling a couple items at this gold party and made $178! My sister made $170!! Some was given to my grandmother so I am taking her out to dinner or lunch next week! She sounded excited to spend sometime with me, we are extremely close and when I was unemployed I use to go to lunch with her all the time and go for walks around a local park, I really miss that.
I decided that I will use the left over money to help pay for the certification for youth fitness. I will be able to pay one month and after that I'm just going to have to figure it out but I know this is what I need to do. Work has been way to stressful for my health and I know I'd be good at this.
I felt good today and I need to remember that even thou my weekends are for relaxing, being active helps keep my mood up and I feel even MORE relaxed.
Tonight's picture is of the outfit I wore today, the jeans are old a size 11 from a couple years ago and a cute new shirt I got from Target on sale for $10. It's super comfy and I felt really good in it!
I ended up selling a couple items at this gold party and made $178! My sister made $170!! Some was given to my grandmother so I am taking her out to dinner or lunch next week! She sounded excited to spend sometime with me, we are extremely close and when I was unemployed I use to go to lunch with her all the time and go for walks around a local park, I really miss that.
I decided that I will use the left over money to help pay for the certification for youth fitness. I will be able to pay one month and after that I'm just going to have to figure it out but I know this is what I need to do. Work has been way to stressful for my health and I know I'd be good at this.
I felt good today and I need to remember that even thou my weekends are for relaxing, being active helps keep my mood up and I feel even MORE relaxed.
Tonight's picture is of the outfit I wore today, the jeans are old a size 11 from a couple years ago and a cute new shirt I got from Target on sale for $10. It's super comfy and I felt really good in it!
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