I will be tested tomorrow as I head to the movies with my sister and two cousins tomorrow night. I am trying to pack a dinner I can eat before I leave work so that I won't have to rush eating something or go there hungry, because THAT will be a mistake! But I am PLANNING and that is what works for me.
I started out wanted to get skinny but slowly this has changed into becoming HEALTHY, mentally and physically. I am still dealing with self esteem issues and being able to look at myself without tearing myself apart. I've had trouble getting intimate with my boyfriend because I'm afraid of what he will see or touch. I've turned down invites to dinners because I didn't want to be judged by what I ate. I've missed out on parties and gatherings with friends because I had "nothing" to wear.
I am now fully understanding that this is more then hitting the gym a couple times a week and eating fruits and vegetables. This is about being comfortable in my skin and showing the world what I am all about. I have something to give and I can't keep letting the fact that I feel fat get in the way of all of that. I could make serious change in the education field and I have a lot of fantastic ideas about how to run a classroom but I let that fear hold me back.
I often argue with myself in my head about what I want to do. It's ridiculous how much I talk myself OUT of. And all the bad things I talked myself into. It's a disaster some times, and this I am also working on. I know I have the will power to do great things... I just have to find it!
tonight's picture is a personal victory.... a FULL drawer of jeans that all fit!! I use to only have 2 pairs that fit me and now I have at least 10!! LOVE IT!
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