Depression...

So I haven't ever really written about this in a public forum so forgive me if it's long winded or turns into a rambling.

After my mom passed away I had a hard time and delt with a lot of depression. I sought out treatment, spending a few days away from my family, and seeked medical attention for what I needed. I saw a bereavement counselor for a while and felt good about how we left things.

I was put on and tried many different anti-depressants until I found one that I really liked. I was on this certain one for awhile and began to feel like myself again, happy. After many talks with my doctor we eased me off of it and it felt great to be medication free. Life got great after that, I met my boyfriend, got a job and my own car. Life was good... 2 years later my symptoms were back and I tried more medicine but shortly after left my job. I was unemployed for a little over a year but actually felt great, so the medication stopped.

I often have my moments, and usually find my moods going down towards the Holidays as these are the times I remember the most about my mother and it's always a struggle, but now that my family has expanded it's much easier. So it was much to my surprise when I passed the last two holiday seasons with out any symptoms. I was finally feeling like maybe I didn't need medicine and that everything had worked it self out.

If you have been reading my last couple of entries you can see that I have been struggling with some low points. I was chalking it up to stress and the pressure of getting healthy but when I stopped myself (while eating fast food in my car, on my lunch break) I realized something... my depression is back and in full swing.

LIGHT BULB moment! Well if I take a look at everything there were signs everywhere and I should have seen this from the very beginning. I called my doctor today and made an appointment for next week to talk about going back on my medication. I also talked with my dad about it, he shares the history of depression as well, and he agreed with me. He said I know my own body and I shouldn't be ashamed of being on medicine, if it helps I should do it.

I know it will take my body at least a month to adjust to the new medicine and I am hoping to see some changes within the next month. I also hope this helps get my motivation back and let me get healthy and back where I was.

My picture tonight is a treat I gave myself... girl scouts cookies... just two tonight!