the "C" word

Today was another quiet day at work, I was thankful because I am still struggling. I have decided that I am just going to be nice at work, and do my job and then come home. I can't bring work with me to home and I need to learn to check my emotions at the door more often before I head into my classroom. I have had a lot to think about and it's been good so far.

Tonight was not much different we learned that a local boy ( his family is friends with my friend) was rushed to CHOP after spiking a fever and becoming unresponsive. He was in remission from neuroblastoma, a form of aggressive cancer, and now it is back. He has lesions on his brain and in his stomach... it's not looking good. The doctors are saying 4-6 weeks if he makes it through his surgeries.

I've cried a lot about this, I don't know this boy or this family but that damn "C" word is throwing my head for a spin. I have made the decision to get the genetic testing done for the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 mutation and have genetic counseling done. I feel like I have to know that this is the only control I have over the situation so I must take it. Some people don't agree with me and don't know how I could do it, but I don't know how I can sit here and NOT know.

I've been super busy already this week ( it's only Tuesday!) and my bedtime is getting late again and I'm up by 5:30am... I can feel the pressure mounting and I know this weekend I will need time alone. It's hard to swallow everything that I have decided and have had to do just in these last couple of days... I wish I could stop turning to food for comfort. Take out for lunch today but other then that an okay day.

Tonight's picture is just another thing added to my plate...I have to take a placement test to start the rest of my classes at the local community college. I haven't taken a test in years and high school math seems like it was HUNDREDS of years ago. I ordered 2 books through amazon and plan on doing a lot of studying!!