better day

Well today was better then yesterday... kind of. It was crazy first of all.. we had 11 kids and it was picture day which meant CHAOS! But we got through the day laughing and survived it all. I had some fruit and a cereal bar for breakfast... lunch was a steam fresh meal but dinner was just about 30 mins ago... SO LATE! Ham cooked with light brown sugar, OJ, ginger ale and mustard and some mac and cheese... the ham was a BIG slice so I only had 3 bites of mac and cheese.

I felt better today though about a lot of things. I really tired to stay positive through the day and was just kept telling myself that tomorrow is FRIDAY! It was nice to just kind of have a free day, we worked on our rooms, let the kids play for awhile and had fun. Tomorrow is Phillies day in my classroom and I'm excited... I'm getting soft pretzels for a special afternoon snack!

Tonight was a REALLY good Grey's Anatomy... I won't spoil it for anybody but AMAZING! I was starving after I got home... I worked 7:00am-6:00pm and then had a training 6:30-8:30 so I got home right at 9:00pm... put on GREYS but was so hungry!! So I had the great idea of rigging my TV so I could watch and cook dinner at the same time...

My picture tonight is of how I rigged it! Creative huh??

still the same

Today went by pretty fast but I ate horribly!! I started off with just a greek yogurt for breakfast and my stomach was not loving it. I had all plans of eating a healthy choice meals for lunch but a mom brought in home made brownies and cookies... 3 cookies and 2 brownies later I was feeling even sicker! That's all I've managed to eat today and I hate it! I made a wonderful dinner of baked salmon with a fresh mango salsa and I can't even look at it without my stomach doing turns and flips, I feel so sick! I don't know why I kept going back to the treats... I came home feeling so defeated. I was running around a lot today trying to get everything done, I was at work by 7:15, didn't take a break and didn't leave there until 6:30.... so tired! Going to do some dishes take my math book to study in bed and get to sleep early. I work 7-5:30 ( really 6) tomorrow and then have a training from 6:30-8:30 plus it's picture day tomorrow and that is always CRAZY! I am still trying to stay positive about things and just get on with things, not focus on the negative things.

What happened!?

WHAT HAPPENED!???

I am so mad at myself for letting it go this far... it's really just me being lazy and I really wish I could fix this part of me. I am lazy I would rather lay in bed and do nothing on most days when I know I should be out there living it up. But what if I can't fix this? Am I doomed to live a life of fat, borning nothingness????

I left work early Thursday throwing up...called out Friday and spent the rest of the weekend feeling like CRAP! I tried to get out and do somethings but I was so tired and in a horrible mood thank you to my TOM and was just grumpy with everyone around me. I HATE being like this, I HATE feeling like this! I woke up yesterday with a horrible head cold that followed me into today. I hate telling everyone at work that I'm sick yet again... my immune system is shot and you'd think by now, working with all these kids, it would have built up some.

I made dinner when I came home, took a shower and now I am laying down. I didn't eat any of the dinner because I feel so BLAH! I packed some for my lunch tomorrow in hopes that I will feel better!! Well here I go starting over....YET AGAIN!!!

My picture tonight is of my big glass of OJ! Hope some extra Vitamin C will help my cold!

the "C" word

Today was another quiet day at work, I was thankful because I am still struggling. I have decided that I am just going to be nice at work, and do my job and then come home. I can't bring work with me to home and I need to learn to check my emotions at the door more often before I head into my classroom. I have had a lot to think about and it's been good so far.

Tonight was not much different we learned that a local boy ( his family is friends with my friend) was rushed to CHOP after spiking a fever and becoming unresponsive. He was in remission from neuroblastoma, a form of aggressive cancer, and now it is back. He has lesions on his brain and in his stomach... it's not looking good. The doctors are saying 4-6 weeks if he makes it through his surgeries.

I've cried a lot about this, I don't know this boy or this family but that damn "C" word is throwing my head for a spin. I have made the decision to get the genetic testing done for the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 mutation and have genetic counseling done. I feel like I have to know that this is the only control I have over the situation so I must take it. Some people don't agree with me and don't know how I could do it, but I don't know how I can sit here and NOT know.

I've been super busy already this week ( it's only Tuesday!) and my bedtime is getting late again and I'm up by 5:30am... I can feel the pressure mounting and I know this weekend I will need time alone. It's hard to swallow everything that I have decided and have had to do just in these last couple of days... I wish I could stop turning to food for comfort. Take out for lunch today but other then that an okay day.

Tonight's picture is just another thing added to my plate...I have to take a placement test to start the rest of my classes at the local community college. I haven't taken a test in years and high school math seems like it was HUNDREDS of years ago. I ordered 2 books through amazon and plan on doing a lot of studying!!

Pulling myself up out of this funk!

So I really needed a couple days to get my mind together and wrap it around my crazy life since Friday...and with all the drama of saturday...it took ALL sunday to recover. I was nervous about going into work afraid that my job would be on the line after what was said. I had a sit down meeting with my boss today and it was exactly what I needed. I feel a little better but am still struggling with the fact that I had to end a friendship, it's painful because I really don't have many friends. I am also coming off the fact that I really lost in saturday when confronting her, I mean I haven't been the angry in a REALLY long time and I didn't handle it well, that includes going to McDonalds after for comfort food. (TMI SORRY) I am due for my monthly visitor and it has me on a mission for food, food, food! I was snacking all day today and just finished off my night with some double stuffed oreos and milk....why I even picked them up at the store I have no idea.

Day 78: I love love love arnold palmer and this is a ZERO calories version... it's missing a little something but it's a nice alternative to my sweet tea that I gave up for lent.



Day 79: Fresh ripe fruit is hard to find in my local grocery store, I need to take a trip to produce junction soon, so I picked this up to chop up and add to cottage cheese for a fast simple breakfast.


Day 80: Dinner tonight was tilapia with a creamy cilantro sauce ( from sparkpeople ) sweet corn and brown rice. It's suppose to have fresh garlic but I only had jarred and fresh garlic scares me!! But this was very yummy and I would love to try this sauce on chicken!

bad eating

I had to end a friendship today and confront that person, it did not go well. I had mcdonalds later that day but after talking to my friends and boyfriend I feel better...tomorrow will be a better day and I will post pictures tomorrow,... thanks for all the support I appreciate it!

A slap in the face

Today was horrible.... it's taking all I have in me to just write this. Work was the worst it's been... and I've learned some things, people aren't as nice as they seem and I'm not as liked as I thought I was...talk about a slap in the face. After coming home and sulking for a while I had an urge for food and lots of it...i stopped my self at one soft taco shell with sour cream, cheese and tomatoes and a mini cake (190 calories for just the cake!) I'm heading to bed... it's been tough and I have a feeling it's only going to get tougher..... might be MIA for a couple days until I figure some things out...

Good magazine article!

Today was a nice relaxing day at work, we just took it easy, enjoyed the nice weather, had a lunch party and then back outside. I love having these days with my kids, I think they need it as well as I do. We had a pretty healthy lunch part, kiwi, green peppers, cucumbers, green apples, green jello, green applesauce and pickles. We also had cookies but saved those for snack after nap and I had 3 mini cupcakes (homemade so yummy) but ate good other then that.

I dressed up in a hat and beard and poked around the school today, at least my co workers got a laugh out of it. During nap we took off their shoes and put them in the hall, then my DOE put baby powder foot prints and a little snack in each of their shoes. They were so excited to find candy in their shoes!!! It was a fun day at work and I love when we do these things and EVERYBODY get's involved in it, some people look at me like I'm crazy but I work with kids... I like to have fun!!!

Dinner was my down fall again but I could have done worse, I had a roast beef reuben but instead of sauerkraut it had coleslaw on it. I had a water and then ordered a red bull and vodka but it was WAY to strong so I only had a couple sips. I'm heading to bed completely exhausted but had a good day.

My picture tonight is of an article I read. We have old magazines at our school and this Time magazine is August 2009 and talks about what we do to make our food cheap and how unhealthy it is for us. It was REALLY interesting!!

Another short one...

So I woke up with this horrible headache in the back of my head and it took forever to go away then after I ate lunch it came back..boo. Other then that I am finally feeling better... my cough is almost gone and my stomach seems better today, and dinner was just rough last night. I did well eating today, even did chick-fil-a but kept my calories in range, I feel now if I eat a big lunch I'm not as hungry as I was before for dinner.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's day and I am heading out for a couple drinks and dinner after work with my two friends. I am planning a light and as healthy as can be lunch so that I can still enjoy dinner.

Sorry my blog is so short today went by very fast and I am exhausted, plus tomorrow we have 5 people out so it's going to be stressful! I am off to get as much sleep as possible!

My picture tonight is the shirt I am wearing to work tomorrow... Happy St. Patrick's Day!

sick...again

Pain... my stomach is killing me so this is the shortest blog ever. didn't walk today abut did pretty good at eating until dinner at my dad's which is what I think is causing this awful pain... I've been in the bathroom for at least an hour and I just want to go to bed...so my picture tonight is where I'm headed... my comfy bed!

Playing catch up

So I fell off my blog bandwagon and I'm really sad, but I'm starting back up today and I know I'll keep on track, sometimes I have off days and that's just okay. This weekend was CRAZY! I did get some great things at Old Navy on saturday and everything was a MEDIUM! It feels so nice to see that M and I also felt like there were a lot more options in this size... I actually enjoyed shopping even thought I spent more money then I should have, I also brought 3 pairs of flip flops and 4 shirts for my nephew! Lunch I did good and had a salad with dressing on the side and soup that was chicken, spinach and some egg. Dinner was good and bad..scallops and shrimp with mango salsa, steamed asparagus and a vegetable medley that I wasn't a fan of. Then dessert...they sent a double brownie with ice cream and whip cream around the table for all 8 of us to share... i took a couple bites!! Then I made another bad choice, we went to a friends house and we drank, blueberry vodka and pink lemonade... I seriously didn't need those calories!

The time change threw me off on Sunday I woke up and late and I didn't feel like doing anything, but we had our usual grocery store run, cleaning and then dinner at my dads and do our laundry we didn't get home until 9:30 which is late on a Sunday!

WARNING: This may be TMI for some people or just inappropriate so if you don't want to read about my intimacy issues skip this!! I have had trouble being full unclothed around my boyfriend this last year or so and I know he thinks I'm beautiful but the whole time I'm thinking "Oh god that looks bad" or " If I lay this way, maybe he won't notice" well on Sunday I let loose and if felt great. I was actually able to lay in bed after and not feel hideous! It felt great!! I hope I can keep this up!

Onto today... I haven't walked since Wednesday because of my cold, it's been beating me down and now I feel SO overworked with work... we have a lot expected out of us, plus I'm trying to go back to school. Today on my break I called my local college to set up a placement test and then I also called a cancer center in my area. I want to get the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 testing done, genetics testing to see if I have the marker. If you want more information about this please feel free to email me, it's not something I really want to discuss here...not yet. But I got both appointments set up, which felt nice to get out of the way.

So my pictures for the last 3 days!

day 71: A new snack that I am enjoying... my favorite is the kettle corn!



day 72: these are the brownies that I made for my boyfriend and I can HAPPILY say that I haven't eaten a single one!!


day 73: dinner tonight was chicken stir fry, I cooked the chicken in some EVOO then added my veggies and took a bowl out for myself, added a little soy sauce. Then I added the packet of sauce, sugar and soy sauce for my boyfriend to enjoy...very yummy! (this is before I added the extra sauces)

Yummy dinner

Wow today went by fast which was nice because I still am not feeling 100% but it's nice to have an antibiotic in me because I can already tell a difference.

Tomorrow will be busy, blood work at 9am, hitting the sales at Old navy, Lunch with a friend, cleaning and then dinner with my sister and her husband. So it's going to be A LOT of watching what goes into my mouth, and preparing myself. At least the dinner is as Bone Fish and I always do the grilled salmon there... water only and no dessert.

I was told today at work that I HAVE to go back to school and continue my education if I want to keep my position as head teacher. So I am working feverishly trying to test out of subjects, re-enroll and figure out how to pay for it all. My dad has agreed to pay half of my class each semester as long as I keep up with it, which I have to. A lot of people are being told they HAVE to go back to school to keep their job and it's a tricky situation. No one can afford to lose their job but it's not exactly cheap to go back to school either, so there is a lot of stress at work. I missed my walk again today and I can tell that this really effects my mood at work. Sometimes I just need to get out of the building and clear my head for awhile, so Monday it's back to walking. I hope to get in a good walk tomorrow morning, I can walk to get my blood drawn tomorrow not sure how far it is but I'm going to check the mileage tonight.

Any way it was Friday night dinner but since we are in lent we had not meatballs or sausage and my uncle prepared something called (well pronounced) I-Oy! It's angel hair pasta, with baby shrimp and baby clams in an oil/butter sauce. SO yummy and SO not healthy, but we only have it like 2 times a year. So my picture tonight is of some left overs :D

sick

bronchitis and an ear infection= a very sick Amy.

I didn't walk today because of the rain and because I felt really really horrible all day today, I thought I had the flu at first but no fever so I made a DR appointment but couldn't get one until 4:15 so I pulled through my work day...hardly and finally made it there. I was sent home with another antibiotic and was told if I'm not 100% better in 10 days I have to go back.

My eating has been all over, the start of my day I wasn't hungry at all and had to force a small breakfast and lunch but then I was starving around dinner and I've been picking ever since. I really just want to feel better... I hate feeling sick for the weekends.

Not much to say other then that, I'm going to bed now and hoping to wake up feeling a little better, at least tomorrow is Friday and will be a rather easy day.

My picture tonight is of all the meds and viatmins I'm on... come on spring bring me some good health!

I did what?

I had a thin zip up, a sweat shirt, a vest, a scarf, ear covers, my hood up and gloves on today to take my walk... it was COLD! There was also some wind that I could have done with out, but I made it 4 laps today!! Eating was good until dinner... but more on that later. I was just proud that I stuck with walking today...now tomorrow is going to rain and rain a lot and ALL day so I really have to push myself to hit the gym and get in some serious time. I decided that I will come home and have small meal and then hit the gym around 8ish and hope that the traffic at the gym has died down. If not well I guess I'll walk my steps in my apartment.

I did as I planned today and woke up early to get to 6:30am mass to get my ashes and I know my grandmother was very happy that I did it, even my sister was happy about it. They both wish I had a better relationship with god and my religion but it's something I'm working on and it's taking time. I decided to give up sweet tea for lent, I've been getting Turkey Hill 1/2 gallon at the store every week and I could have up to 3 glasses in a night! So no more of that... 40 days... we'll see how that goes. I am still going to try and be more positive about things and make a list about positive things during my day, no more letting negative people ruin my day.

Dinner was rough tonight because we couldn't have meet so my grandmother did coconut shrimp... MY FAVORITE! I only had 5 pieces but that was enough to send my stomach into ups and downs... I still feel pretty gross and she had some amazing mac and cheese which I ate way to much of. But I'm learning to eat in moderation and the fact that I didn't down the WHOLE plate of shrimp is a win in itself.

Tonight I came home and found a comment on my blog... I share these same entries through blogger.com and didn't really think anyone read them. Tonight a comment showed up and it's my picture for the night! Guess what... I inspire people.. who would have thought!?

Lent?

I walked 4 laps today!! I upped by one lap and I was actually feeling a little tired by the end of it, I'm not going very long distance or time wise but I feel good that I'm moving! So the gym didn't pan out last night but I'm okay with that, I'm just going to keep walking keep eating and doing my thing. Dinner was a loss for me but other then that I had a good day,

It was vegetable day in my classroom, we painted with broccoli and lettuce, read a book about the direction in which vegetables grow and then we had a tasting for our afternoon snack. I cut up some broccoli, cucumber and cherry tomatoes on each of their plate, I also add a little bit of ranch and a little bit of honey mustard for them to dip in. I tell my parents all the time that sometimes adding a little, and I mean a little like ONE tablespoon gives the kids something FUN to do with their veggies. A lot of the kids tried some and they took to the dip very well. I told one parent eventually you can phase out the dip and sometimes they like the veggies all on their own. I felt good setting my kids up for a healthy day!

I'm debating about things to give up for lent, in no way am I an active catholic but this holiday is extremely important to my grandmother so I would like to try for her. I am planning on getting up super early tomorrow go to mass, get my ashes and then I'm having dinner with her tomorrow night. I was thinking of giving up french fries ( my major weakness) but I was also thinking of giving up negative talk at work, I am guilty of being apart of the gossip at work that I hate so much. So instead of giving something up why not take something on, why not taking ON being positive EVERY day... commit to making a list of 5 positive things about my day EACH day... for 40 days? Scares me a little bit!

I have to make up my mind and maybe I'll just do both... NO french fries and POSITIVE attitude everyday! I like the sound of that

My picture tonight is of the veggies I cut up for my kids today!

My gym sucks!

Today was a good day! I ate pretty well, even thought my stomach is STILL bothering me, but I managed to get through the day. I had one of the steam fresh meals for dinner and I'm sad to say it wasn't very good. But I'll keep my hopes up for the next one I try, sometimes it just depends. But other then that I had a good day eating wise.

I went for my walk on my break today, it was pretty windy but I managed to get through it and I am planning on adding another lap tomorrow and from now on. I will keep adding laps one a time when I feel comfortable, but 3 laps for me is really quick now.

I packed my gym bag last night and changed before I left work, drove straight there and was annoyed before I parked my car. There was NO parking and when I did find a spot, like a mile away there were NO and I mean NO open machines at all....people were just standing around. I decided to just stretch and try to jump on a treadmill when one opened up, luckily that was soon and that's when I was rushed by an older lady telling me she was next on this machine and that I had to wait my turn.

F*** that!!! Excuse me, I have to wait my turn at a gym!? I turned right around and left, it was more then slightly ridiculous, I mean people were seriously just STANDING there waiting for someone to be done their workout. Even if I had managed to get a machine I would have felt SO rushed, and would have felt like EVERYONE was watching me waiting for me to be done. Needless to say I am looking for a new gym ASAP, I've been considering switching gyms because this one doesn't offer classes, so now I am definitely going to switch.

I spent a lot of time last night browsing through an Italian restaurant menu that I am eating at tomorrow night to try and find something healthy. I am meeting an old friend there, it's a place we use to go to ALL the time. When I did I would get chicken fingers and cheese fries, or pizza and cheese fries or a cheese steak and cheese fries. Everything on the menu is covered in thick sauces, cheese or fried. Not really what I'm looking forward to, which I should have thought about before I agreed to eat there. I'm thinking of doing a small house salad with grilled shrimp (grilled with no butter or oil) and a soup? Any suggestions on how to eat healthy at places like those are greatly appreciated!

Tonight's picture is something I eat multiple times a week.. sweet potato!! I've made fries out of them, mashed potatoes and baked. I like to take one for work and add a little butter and cinnamon, so yummy!!

Feeling good

Today we didn't do a whole lot, slept in, went to the mall and then cam home and just hung around for awhile. We made a kashi triple mushroom pizza with spinach for lunch, it was actually really good, even my boyfriend liked it!

I grabbed a shirt out of my closet just to try on and I was shocked to see it fit and it fit nicely! The last time I remember trying this shirt on it was so tight I could move it but I looked horrible in it. I felt super skinny as I put on jeans from years ago and I felt great.

I didn't walk at all this weekend, it rained ALL day today, it's still raining and won't stop until like 3am. I am planning on walking tomorrow at my lunch break and then hitting the gym right after work. I do have to babysit at 7pm but that will give me a good 45 minuets at the gym before I have to be there. It will be an easy job, the child will be sleeping and I should only be there for about an hour.

I really want to take advantage of the fact that I don't have to do my usual babysitting job this week and hit the gym at least 3 times if not more. I still plan to walk everyday at lunch as well! I am packing my gym back tonight so I can change before I even leave work tomorrow. I am also going to go in with a positive attitude and not let anyone ruin it tomorrow.

Tonight's picture is of me in my skinny outfit today!

Frozen meals

Today was well... not my best. I went to be SUPER late last night... like 2am which caused me to wake up late which caused NO walk which caused a grumpy me.

My boyfriends dad ended up coming up by himself, his mom was feeling very sick so we just went to lunch with his dad and my dad. I wanted to indulge today so I went with the crabcake sandwich, something I never would order. Now I am hating myself.. I have felt so sick since eating, I haven't eaten anything else. I just tried a piece of baked chicken and I still feel gross.

We both fell asleep after his dad left for home and it's been a lazy night since. We did decide to get our grocery shopping done tonight because we are suppose to have a soaking rain tomorrow. I grabbed some vine tomatoes and they smell so yummy! I'm thinking of chopping some up for the rest of the week... throw some in an omelet for breakfast, make a nice salad for lunch, things like that.

I also tried something that I've been trying to stay away from...frozen meals. I picked up two of the healthy choice steam meals and I figured once a week won't kill me on my sodium intake. I will just make sure to drink lots of water that day and watch the rest of my sodium for the day.

So my picture tonight is of the two meals I picked up... I'll be sure to let you all know how they are!

Another day of walking!

I walked again today!!! It was a bit colder then I thought it was going to be but I still got in my 3 laps and then headed bed. This was a big accomplishment because I had a panic attack at work, long story short I ended up on the bathroom floor at working trying to relax. I have amazing co workers who took over my room and kept checking up on me. The worst thing is that after I have them I am very sore all over as every muscle in my body tenses up and I get VERY tired.... I'm ready to go to be at 8pm! But I knew that the walk would make me feel better and it helped me destress from it all.

His parents come up tomorrow and we still have to get to the grocery store before the get here. This messed up my walking plans... I could always go after the leave but I'm not sure what time that will be and I want to go before it's dark. I also have to decided where I am going to walk and plan a route, so I wanted to have some time to do this...but I'll make it work.

Today's eating was okay...dinner was bad though as it is always hard to eat healthy at Friday night dinners at my grandmother's house. But I'm just going to take this as another lesson and try harder next week.

My picture tonight has to do with a new goal for me... I've always been embarrassed about my arms so I am going to really focus on defining my arms... here is my before picture, I'll take an after on April 4th!

Keep on walking!

So I woke up a little sore and I think it's because I walked in my boot yesterday and not my sneakers...lesson learned! I remember my sneakers today and went for another walk, it was so nice to just be out in the sun. I have A LOT on my mind lately and walking is helping me get through some of that stuff. I wish I could do more or go longer but with my schedule it's just not possible.

Eating was good today, thought when I came home I was starved and ate anything I could get into before dinner was ready... ended up having 4 snack size snickers, a roll and after a dinner of eggplant parm, green beans and roasted potatoes I ended it with 5 (YEP 5!) peanut butter cookie. Again lesson learned... DON'T deprive myself of food, have some in MODERATION and these binges will not happen.

It's suppose to be REALLY cold here tomorrow but I still want to get my walk in and since I have to babysit after work my lunch break is the only time I have it. SO I will prepare and I will attempt to go walking again tomorrow... I need this!

I am also looking into getting a job in the weight loss field, there are some positions open with Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers and I think starting there as a sales consultant or coach would be good for me. Extra money never hurts either!

Tonight's picture is of a little sign I made myself when I had down time in my classroom... not sure where to hang it but I am a visual person so I hope this helps!

1st of the month... body pictures

So today was an okay day at work, there are still some things that are stressing me out but I'm trying to just let it go. My eating was okay today, still fighting this stomach thing and it kept me from going to the gym tonight. I did go for a nice 30min walk on my break... I was very proud of myself, I managed to get 3 laps around a corporate center and it was nice to get out in the fresh air. It was a little cold but the sun was shining and it felt great.

I had made plans to go to the gym tonight but after I ate lunch my stomach was killing me! I had to keep going to the bathroom and I've had a headache ever since. My dad made breakfast for dinner so I ate lighter then normal because he tends to use a lot of butter and oils when he cooks.

I just did my body shots and again I don't see any change, maybe a little bit on my side view but I expected this. In february exercise was non existent and I wasn't trying very hard. This month will be different, I started it out the right way and plan on keeping this up! I am going to walk again tomorrow during my break, it's suppose to be warmer but windy.

I also did my weigh in... 148.8 that means I'm down almost a pound. Sounds little for a month but I know my body is comfortable at this weight and I really has to push to lose! My clothes are still fitting really well and I feel good in them.

So my pictures tonight is of my body shots comparison!

Feb 1st- March 1st Front


Feb 1st- March 1st Side


Feb 1st- March 1st Back