Still sick and rain :(

Today was rainy and crappy and fit my mood ( and everyone elses at work) Everyone just seemed to be annoyed and stressed and it really wore on me since I was feeling so crappy. I had a hard time sleeping because of this cough, it's so annoying! So still going off of very little sleep and I just want to crawl into bed but there is so much to do! This week is crazy and I'm not looking forward to it at all.

I am stressed because his parents are coming on saturday and his mother is gluten free, sugar free tries to limit her dairy intake. My grandmother invited everyone over for lunch but I have NO idea what to cook for her, I just want her to be comfortable here and not feel sick while she is here, it's about a 2 hour drive here.

I am still feeling slightly nauseous at times and when I do feel hungry the moment I start to eat I feel sick, so it was very light eating tonight. Since I am so tired I don't have much to say, I have to go finish dishes and take a shower and then head to bed.

Tonight's picture is of my empty plate.. it was only a small piece of fish stuffed with crabmeat since I couldn't handle a whole...but damn it was yummy!

Birthday!

Wow last night was LONG but so much fun, I haven't seen my boyfriend smile and laugh like that in a long time and I really enjoyed myself. I had chicken tacos for dinner with a couple french fries but I was drinking red bull and vodkas.... not great for me but didn't have ANY soda, which is usually my normal bar drink.

I started off yesterday by making him a great breakfast of cinnamon vanilla french toast, cheesy scrambled eggs and bacon... I had 2 bites on the french toast (not really a fan) and a bite of eggs. I was still feeling sick so I had a baked sweet potato for lunch. Trying to drink as much water as possible until I feel better and can eat more. I feel fine but when I start eating I feel so sick and everything bothers my stomach... even after dinner last night I was afraid I would have to leave early but I pushed through it.

We all had a great time and came back to our apartment and played some card games, talked and watched TV. I finally hit the bed at about 4am but never fell asleep until 5 and was up at about 7:30 cooking breakfast again... I was fine until about an hour ago when it hit me, I had plans to go walk at a local park with my sister and her family but my head cold is killing me!! I had two small biscuits, some scrapple and eggs for breakfast... my stomach has revolted since then... we are suppose to go out again tonight... but we'll see.

My pictures for this weekend are... the breakfast I made for his yesterday and the bill from last night!



Br

Beach day!

Today was another crazy day! I am still not feeling well and my eating was all over the place... I was starving this morning and then not hungry during the day and then I was so ready for dinner.. ugg I hate feeling this way because it makes my weight go all over the place. Plus I am SO stressed about tomorrow and planning my boyfriends birthday.

I will say that at least I had fun at work...it was beach day! We had the kids in their bathing suits and we had beach balls, lays and all sorts of stuff. I got all decked out and we made a whole day out of it, I even brought in a special treat for my kids, popsicles! They laid out their beach towels and enjoyed a great afternoon snack.

I don't have much to say today but I will try really hard to blog tomorrow and sunday but with everything we have planned...it's going to be hard... I have to keep at this, it's been helping so much!

My picture tonight is of the outfit I wore to work...just another reason I love working with kids...this was totally acceptable beach day wear!

New dinner recipe

Today was not a good day eating wise.... I got so caught up in having my boyfriend home last night that I forgot to make my breakfast or lunch for today but figured I'd get up early and do it in the morning. Then I woke up and felt like crap! I hit my alarm twice and before you know it had to get out the door...no food in hand. I was carving Mcdonalds so I stopped and got 3 has browns and had them for my breakfast... and that was it. I had a bottle of Propel Zero that I sipped on for the rest of the day. I had no lunch or money for lunch so I just didn't eat.... my stomach didn't really mind because this cough I have is making me super nauseous. I had about 10 wheat thins while the kids were snacking and that was it. I came home and was hungry!! Luckily we had a crock pot meal going...Hawaiian chicken here from sparkpeople. I had one piece with some left over mac and cheese and corn from last night. I also had 2 wedges of babybell for about 100 calories.

My stomach is still not feeling so great and I sound like a dog when I cough...just in time for my boyfriends birthday this weekend. I hate this. We have so many sick kids and most of the parents can't afford to keep their kids home because they have to work. So in turn I ended up getting sick but I can't take time off either because I can't afford it. It's a big viscous circle. I am already in my PJs just relaxing on the couch, I am going to make my breakfast and lunch before I head to bed in a little bit.

I was proud because I turned down ordering lunch out (saving my money!) and a cupcake! I also tried to keep a positive attitude all day and it worked for the most part. So glad tomorrow is Friday and really looking forward to this weekend!

Tonight's picture is of my yummy dinner, the chicken was so tender I loved it! A good way to get in some extra fruit servings!

A lovely dinner

Today was pretty good eating wise, I still had trouble snacking on some wheat thins and cheez its but I just have to learn to deal with these things in my classroom and not take a handful when the children are eating snack. I felt a little sick today pretty sure it's a chest thing when I cough it hurts and my throat is kind of sore. As you can see I didn't make my bed time tonight but I had reasons.

For the first night in awhile my boyfriend was home from work ( he took the day off to do some things) and I just wanted to cuddle with him as much as possible, I hate not seeing him during the week it makes for a very lonely girl. He had dinner already made when I came home, steak, mac and cheese and corn. It was WONDERFUL not to come home and make dinner or think about it, I miss him so much!

It was so nice because he had our candle lit and we sat at our little table in the living room and just talked. These are the nights that make me want to be happy again and feel comfortable with myself because I want to be comfortable around him. We also watched I Used To Be Fat on MTV and she ran a 5k at the end of her show. I have a 5k coming up on Mother's day and this makes me miss running so much. He told me I just have to go do it... and I do!

Tonight's picture is of our lovely candle we ate dinner by

It's a good start...

I went to my Dr and it was nice to hear her confirm that I'm not crazy and that it really is my depression and she put me back on my medicine. I told her about my weight and eating issues and she wants me to try my medicine for a month, see if that helps and if I still feel unable to control my eating habits she will refer me to a nutritionist but she thinks this will really help get me back on track.

Work was okay, I really do have some great co-workers who make life much easier and keep me laughing when I need it the most. I am trying to just keep my head up about things, keep the annoying things ( and people) at bay in my mind and move forward. We are celebrating my boyfriends birthday this weekend and I am really looking forward to it because I have a couple of surprises for him.

I am on my TOM so I am eating WAY more then I should but again it's just that "I don't care" mood, but I'm trying to at least make some healthy choices and limit the unhealthy ones. Breakfast this morning was 2 eggs scrambled with some shredded mozzarella cheese and orange peppers on a tortilla with some ketchup and half a large apple. I snacked through the day on some wheat thins and a whole wheat blueberry muffin. Lunch was a couple pieces of roasted chicken on whole wheat bread with a little bit of mayo and the other half of my apple. I also had a handful of cherry tomatoes and a wedge of babybell cheese. Dinner was at my dad's tonight and that was pork, green beans, mix of carrots, cauliflower, broccoli and red peppers and some mac and cheese. I also had like 7 Hershey kisses with almond inside YUM! I also ate some cookies as a snack tonight...boo!

Oh well I'm off to prep my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow and get my clothes ready. My boyfriend has to be up early and I know we will be bumping into each other as we get ready so I want to be extra prepared, I have to be in early tomorrow again!

Tonight's picture is of the promise ring my boyfriend gave me 2 Christmases ago, it fit perfectly when I first got it and over the 3 or 4 months I noticed it has gotten loose. Some times it feels like it will slip right off! It's beautiful and I love wearing it everyday!

New bedtime!

Today was quiet at work, we only had 5 kids, I could have managed the classroom myself but I let my directors know we had a lot to do and didn't want to lose my assistant. So they let me keep her but with attitude of course.

We got a lot done and had a lot of laughs which I really needed! Then we went and got our nails done (YAY for gift certificates!) and then grabbed some pizza. We shared a personal mushroom pizza and some fries. But I felt good about the sharing and I had some water to go with it. I didn't hit the gym but I'm still trying to get back to my eating.

I see my doctor tomorrow and I am actually feeling really relieved about it, I want to tell her so much about everything and see if she can really help me. I just want to feel like myself again!

I feel like this will be a good week for me, I'm going to make it a good week!!!

My picture tonight is of my bedtime... I'm heading to bed as soon as I am done writing this blog! I am trying to get to bed before 10pm every night this week!!!

Blog Fail

Wow... I can't believe I missed blogging two days in a row... can you tell I'm in a funk? I've been hit with so much and I'm doubting everything in my life. My relationships, my job and my confidence. I've been going through the motions these last couple of days and very angry. I've made it a point to go out and do something but each night I come home and am still questioning EVERYTHING. I will make this a short one as I don't want to focus on the negative.

My plans this week... gym Monday and Thursday and looking into a yoga class this week. I have to prepare for my boyfriends birthday this weekend, changing over my classroom for next month and just the hassle of regular life.

My picture for day 49 is my yoga mat rolled up sitting in a corner...I want to so badly get back to going to power yoga once a week, I love it!




My picture for day 50 is my freezer... The frozen meals are my boyfriends, he takes them for lunches and my favorite is the steam in a bag veggies...quick and easy!



My picture for day 51 is my fridge...sad sad fridge...this is AFTER we went grocery shopping and cleaned out all the left overs.... what do you stock your fridge with?

Putting in the effort

So after last night's entry I woke up feeling a little bit better about the look out on things. I have my DR appointment and got it OKed by work, I had a serious chat with my boss about it and she totally understands.

I decided to try and get dressed a little nicer today, just put the effort in. After my shower last night I threw some gel in my hair and let it curl. Everyone at work loved it, I got so many compliments it really helped boost my mood. My two friends took their break with me and we headed to the mall where I scored 4 shirts ( 3 for me, 1 for my boyfriend) for $21! Can't beat that! I love scoring a good deal! We had a good talk and I am really appreciative of having them both in my life.

I also think the nice weather helped, it was beautiful today and we were able to take my class out two times today, and that helps all around. Tomorrow is suppose to be EVEN nicer so I am planning on wearing a dress. I am also going to pack my sneakers, pants and shirt to go on a nice long walk tomorrow during my break. Soaking up the sun feels so nice! My dad thinks this crappy weather has a lot to do with my mood too.

I just wanted to give a shout out to JESSICA1999PA for all the wonderful support she has been giving me! And everyone else who has been commenting on my blog... JESS0107 you have been so helpful!

I am so thankful for this place and the people I have been introduced to. I may not be where I want to be right now but I know I am going to get there!!!

My picture tonight is a side view of how I wore my hair... it'll have to grow on me I'm just so use to straight hair!

Depression...

So I haven't ever really written about this in a public forum so forgive me if it's long winded or turns into a rambling.

After my mom passed away I had a hard time and delt with a lot of depression. I sought out treatment, spending a few days away from my family, and seeked medical attention for what I needed. I saw a bereavement counselor for a while and felt good about how we left things.

I was put on and tried many different anti-depressants until I found one that I really liked. I was on this certain one for awhile and began to feel like myself again, happy. After many talks with my doctor we eased me off of it and it felt great to be medication free. Life got great after that, I met my boyfriend, got a job and my own car. Life was good... 2 years later my symptoms were back and I tried more medicine but shortly after left my job. I was unemployed for a little over a year but actually felt great, so the medication stopped.

I often have my moments, and usually find my moods going down towards the Holidays as these are the times I remember the most about my mother and it's always a struggle, but now that my family has expanded it's much easier. So it was much to my surprise when I passed the last two holiday seasons with out any symptoms. I was finally feeling like maybe I didn't need medicine and that everything had worked it self out.

If you have been reading my last couple of entries you can see that I have been struggling with some low points. I was chalking it up to stress and the pressure of getting healthy but when I stopped myself (while eating fast food in my car, on my lunch break) I realized something... my depression is back and in full swing.

LIGHT BULB moment! Well if I take a look at everything there were signs everywhere and I should have seen this from the very beginning. I called my doctor today and made an appointment for next week to talk about going back on my medication. I also talked with my dad about it, he shares the history of depression as well, and he agreed with me. He said I know my own body and I shouldn't be ashamed of being on medicine, if it helps I should do it.

I know it will take my body at least a month to adjust to the new medicine and I am hoping to see some changes within the next month. I also hope this helps get my motivation back and let me get healthy and back where I was.

My picture tonight is a treat I gave myself... girl scouts cookies... just two tonight!

paper work

paper work... that's what I'm surrounded by.

The meeting with the chief of police was a waste of my time, he is such an idiot and I really left just annoyed more then anything. He said to call if I see anything and I will... if I see ANYTHING I will call them, they will get to know my name real quick.

I had lots of journal entries to catch up on and curriculum to finish so I've been sitting here for the last couple of hours just writing and writing and writing. I hate it. This is the part that makes me not want to be in this field. I have a headache, I ate a crappy dinner but I know tomorrow will be better because...well it will be tomorrow and not today!

My picture is of the work surrounding me... craziness!

Valentines Day

Wow today was ALL over the place, and none of the goals I had were met today... HUGE FAIL! I'm having issues with a lot of personal things right now, it's an internal argument and it's been bad.

I wish I could take a break from my life and breathe for one second, and now I'm running late with everything else I wanted to do. I have that big meeting with the chief of police tomorrow night and I am SO nervous, plus curriculum to write, and a new month to plan for and money, money, money.

I did come home to flowers from my boyfriend... Happy Valentines Day!

picture less

Yes another picture-less blog... I really need my own laptop!

I've tried to stop feeling so sorry for myself and while it is kind of working I'm till annoyed about dishing out so much money! I have my bags packed for the gym tomorrow and will change before I leave so no excuses!!! My goal is to hit the gym 3 days this week and get back to running... I have a 5k on mothers day that I need to get geared up for!

Sorry this is short but typing on my nook is hard!

depressed

It has hit me full force and I usually get this way at least once a year and I hate it. I will be adding a picture tomorrow because I am writing this from my nook.

I had a bad day only eating one meal, an apple and two brownies. I tried to do my taxes and I am only getting $66 back... that is my car insurance. So yea I'm pissed ad annoyed and really tired of worrying about money.

Tomorrow is going to be busy, but I will be with my family so I know my mood will be better but there will be food, food and more food. So it will be a strugggle and I hope I can make it!

I will add my picture tomorrow but I wanted to blog so I could have some accountability... I hope this helps me

Money sucks!

So I've hit a low today... had to take my car to get inspected... it's going to end up costing me about $550 to get it fixed and on the road. That is ALL of the money I have saved right now... I'll be right back where I was and I've worked hard to put away at least SOME money!

I was just devastated when I got the news and it only made me fight with my boyfriend and eat french fries for lunch. I was in such a foul mood I just couldn't get my mind off of it, I had been defeated. My boyfriend has offered to help me pay for it because he makes good money and has money put away, but I still felt that "why me" and I still kind of do.

I had made plans to go with my sister and two little cousins to see that Justin Beieber (sp?) movie and I decided to just go. I had 2 pretzel bites and a couple sour gummy bears. I avoided SODA which I was super proud of.

I was suppose to go to a friends party but I'm just so.... BLAH. I've put on my pajamas and think that the couch will be my friend for the night. I've got a weekend of stressing about money and my car... so I want to just take it easy tonight.

Tonight's picture is my new obsession... greek yogurt mixed with fruit! So far strawberry is my favorite, then the pomegranate and then the peach! Very yummy!

Jeans, Jeans, Jeans

Today was an okay day, still working on the stress but had a good day eating... I just stuck with 3 meals, no snacking... I am still testing to see what works best with my body. Now while they all weren't the healthiest choices, I didn't snack at all! I am still SODA free and am feeling really good about myself.

I will be tested tomorrow as I head to the movies with my sister and two cousins tomorrow night. I am trying to pack a dinner I can eat before I leave work so that I won't have to rush eating something or go there hungry, because THAT will be a mistake! But I am PLANNING and that is what works for me.

I started out wanted to get skinny but slowly this has changed into becoming HEALTHY, mentally and physically. I am still dealing with self esteem issues and being able to look at myself without tearing myself apart. I've had trouble getting intimate with my boyfriend because I'm afraid of what he will see or touch. I've turned down invites to dinners because I didn't want to be judged by what I ate. I've missed out on parties and gatherings with friends because I had "nothing" to wear.

I am now fully understanding that this is more then hitting the gym a couple times a week and eating fruits and vegetables. This is about being comfortable in my skin and showing the world what I am all about. I have something to give and I can't keep letting the fact that I feel fat get in the way of all of that. I could make serious change in the education field and I have a lot of fantastic ideas about how to run a classroom but I let that fear hold me back.

I often argue with myself in my head about what I want to do. It's ridiculous how much I talk myself OUT of. And all the bad things I talked myself into. It's a disaster some times, and this I am also working on. I know I have the will power to do great things... I just have to find it!

tonight's picture is a personal victory.... a FULL drawer of jeans that all fit!! I use to only have 2 pairs that fit me and now I have at least 10!! LOVE IT!

Ready for the weekend!

So my night plans changed, my step brother is moving to FL and decided he would earlier, like this Friday instead of in 6 weeks. So he came up to my dad's house to see his mom and my dad so we could all say good bye. I ate dinner over there, had a little bit of everything and felt satisfied with it.

But I had such a good dinner planned that I came home and made it away, put some away for my lunch tomorrow and the rest is for my boyfriend to eat. I tasted the swordfish and it was yummy! I am looking forward to lunch!

I still need to get back on track with my exercise and find where the rest of my motivation went. Sometimes I let things get me down too easily.. that is something I am working on. I have realized this isn't just about changing my body but my mind as well. I'm not very healthy mentally and I would like to change that too.

SO my goals for the next couple of days are to get in SOME kind of exercise and take time everyday to just sit down and relax even if it's for 5 minuets and I have to do it in the bathroom at work. I cannot let stress over run my head and work is just that...work. It can be apart of my life but not my WHOLE life.

my picture tonight is of my lunch for tomorrow... yummy!

Getting my motivation back!

So I felt a little bit better at work today and I am just trying to push through this week. For some reason I feel like this is the crazy busy season but really I think it's because they kids can't go outside as much and it starts to wear on them and on me. I am trying to do physical activities with them but you can only have a dance party so many times before that get's routine. We also do yoga and some jumping around but it's difficult to be creative with these things.

Sometimes I just need to put on my big girl panties and deal with things, which is what I did today. I left work, dropped of a little baby I bring home every night, went to my dad's for dinner then to my grandmother's to use the printer to finish up some work. Then I came home and finished my curriculum while watching GLEE. I went in and made a plate for my boyfriend to eat when he gets home, I also did one of those steamer bags in the microwave, brown rice, for him to eat some. I also packed some of the rice for my lunch tomorrow. I also took some swordfish steaks out to defrost and have some asparagus marinading in the fridge for dinner tomorrow. I made a ZUMBA date with another teacher so that will be a nice and light dish for after jumping around.

I am seeing my motivation and spark come back... not sure what happened but I think just life. I am trying to do so much and get so much accomplished that I burn myself out. I have to realize that I need some time to just relax and not think that I need to take on the WHOLE world all at once. One baby step at a time!

My picture for tonight is my yummy asparagus that is marinading in for tomorrow's dinner!

Failure

First I owe an apology to JESSICA1999PA because I didn't exercise today... I'm sorry to let you down.

This won't be a long one because I can't barley type, I am just so annoyed and upset. It was a bad day at work, I got in trouble about something and then all hell broke lose which included me eating 10, yep that's right 10, organic chicken steamed dumplings. I was saving them for dinner and lunch tomorrow... I ate them right along with a roasted veggie wrap. I felt HORRIBLE afterwords and still do.

I can barley think about food but there was nothing left out for dinner (my fault) and I have no motivation to make anything, I may just order something for the boy. I feel horrible and disappointed and I'm heading to bed now. I feel like such a failure tonight :(

Superbowl!!

So tonight is the SUPERBOWL! We are spending the game with my sister, her husband and my nephew! We already ate and only have some chips and dip, guacamole and salsa to snack on, but I'm going to try and stay away really.

Today was our usual relaxing sunday, grabbed a few new things at the store to try and see if I like them. I picked up some of those greek yogurts mixed with fruit. I picked up a peach, a strawberry and a pomegranate one. I also picked up something new from Kellog, potato crisps, look like potato chips and they are sour cream and onion flavor.

I am still feeling good, SODA FREE, taking my vitamins but still not getting in exercise like I should. My plan is to come home tomorrow and do another day of Jillian's 30 DS! Hold me to this so I can't get out of it SparkFriends!

Well here is the one thing I will indulge in tonight at my sister's house! Not sure which one I will eat yet!

Making that money

So I was very busy today, I had to babysit from 10-3:30, stop by my sisters and then head to a gold party from 5-7. I was running around all day babysitting and it was a lot of fun, she is a great little girl and keeps me on my toes. While there I tried one of their greek yogurts mixed with fruit and I think I'm going to pick up some tomorrow at the store from a snack or to help bulk up my breakfast.

I ended up selling a couple items at this gold party and made $178! My sister made $170!! Some was given to my grandmother so I am taking her out to dinner or lunch next week! She sounded excited to spend sometime with me, we are extremely close and when I was unemployed I use to go to lunch with her all the time and go for walks around a local park, I really miss that.

I decided that I will use the left over money to help pay for the certification for youth fitness. I will be able to pay one month and after that I'm just going to have to figure it out but I know this is what I need to do. Work has been way to stressful for my health and I know I'd be good at this.

I felt good today and I need to remember that even thou my weekends are for relaxing, being active helps keep my mood up and I feel even MORE relaxed.

Tonight's picture is of the outfit I wore today, the jeans are old a size 11 from a couple years ago and a cute new shirt I got from Target on sale for $10. It's super comfy and I felt really good in it!

FRIDAY! finally!

It's FRIDAY!!!!

I really really was looking forward to this weekend because of how rough things have been at work and today made it no easier. I would have called today a huge success except for this afternoon. Like I said things have gotten rough at work and today people were being just mean. I got so worked up that as I was serving afternoon snack (vanilla wafers) I started eating some, then more and more before I knew it I lost track and one of the other teachers shouted at me saying "AMY STOP LOOK!" I didn't even realize how fast or how much I was eating and she told me to go take a break our of the classroom and relax for a minuet. She is being so supportive of me and always knows when I need to just go breathe for a second.

Other then that my day was actually pretty good even though I went out on my break with a friend, I ate the lunch that I had packed and didn't even grab a snack while out. Family dinner was a little harder but I'm still eating a lot less then I was a couple months ago.

I have a full packed day tomorrow and I like that I'm busy because that means I'll be moving a lot! I am babysitting a child from my class and I'm looking forward to just playing and having a good time. Then I'm going to a "sell your gold" party a friend is having, to try and make some money and then going out to bar with some friends to watch a UFC fight. In between all this I plan on:
*Eating healthy
*Drinking LOTS of water
*Move and keep moving
*Make smart choices

Then sunday it will be all about rest and routine...we do the same thing every Sunday and I love it! But it also involves sleeping in and spending some time being lazy together which I love!

My picture tonight is something I wish I would do more often because it makes me feel so girly. I love have my nails painted or painting my own even though I'm not very good. I'm going with a midnight plum tonight!

A bad start to a bad day...

So today was one of those days that from the moment I opened my eyes I knew I was in trouble! I woke up SUPER late! Thursday's I am suppose to be at work by 7am to open my classroom, I woke up at 6:35, usually when I am getting ready to leave. I grabbed clothes, threw them on, grabbed my makeup and I was out the door. For SOME reason last night I didn't prepare, I didn't pack lunch or snack or dinner for the staff meeting and didn't have my clothes out.

I did manage to grab some already cut up strawberries to have and was out the door, didn't even give my car a chance to warm up. I made it there 7:00am on the dot, luckily no kids were waiting for me and I had about 5 minuets to do my make up and collect myself.

Then I remembered I had NO food, GRRR! So no breakfast for me, I ate the strawberries around the time the kids eat their lunch and just settled on grabbing lunch somewhere. I went to wegmans and got a roasted veggie wrap. It had 4 pieces in it, I ate two then and planned on eating the other two for dinner. I wasn't even really that hungry because I was so off my eating schedule, I hate that! Well after work I usually drop an infant off at her house because the mom doesn't get in until 6pm. I forgot about my staff meeting so I had to take her home, of course the mom was late and I was late to staff meeting. Didn't even have a chance to grab my dinner out of the fridge. I drove home FUMING from the staff meeting and luckily had some dinner already made. Some thin pork chops baked with a little BBQ sauce. I also grabbed a pouch of mixed veggies that steamed in the microwave. Still had to figure out dinner to make for my boyfriend, found a simple salsa chicken that I could bake while I relaxed for awhile. I WILL pack this for lunch tomorrow along with some snacks and I WILL have a better day!

Other then that I did get good news that I am being granted a meeting with our town's chief of police about some concerns I have about our town. We've had a lot of incidents at the park and parking lot across the street from my apartment. I emailed him, the borough manager and our mayor about them. So I am taking a stand, meeting with him and hoping to make SOME progress, also thinking about running for a position on our council.

Today was a bad day but I'll put that in the past and it will stay there!!! On to a better day!

Tonight's picture is of my favorite drink and one that is helping me stay SODA FREE! I love the taste of this and only having one little glass with dinner doesn't seem to be hurting me. LOVE IT!

Need a break!

Today started out really well and then I decided to get some chick-fil-a for lunch but went with the grilled chicken sandwhich then I went out to dinner with some friends.

I just got really sick of my job and I really wanted to "escape" for awhile, but why do I do it with food!? Why can't I find another way? no exercise still... I'm just so exhausted all the time now, not sure what is wrong. Even when I try to go to bed early my mind is running through the things I need to do, the bills that need to be paid, my car that needs to be fixed, the work that needs to be done. It just feels like SO much right now.

I am really struggling to get through this week and I have a super busy weekend that will be spent running all over the place. I just want a little while to breathe and take a break. I have a staff meeting tomorrow night, family dinner friday night, babysitting saturday and then a get together saturday night. I wish I could just PAUSE for one second.

I am really struggling at work, it's such a negative place and since this is the only field I've ever been in I don't know if this is what I'm good at, if this is what I want to do, or if this is the only thing I know. I hate how NEGATIVE it has been lately and how RUDE people are being, I can only take so much. We just had transitions and this is always difficult for children but this time seems really hard. Plus there is Pink Eye going around my classroom and I keep trying to clean as much as possible but today I feel like the parent blamed ME for their child getting it.

These are the time where I fail horribly and I just need to pick myself up and move on from it. I need to exercise and eat better and just get happy again.

My picture tonight is of a little snack I had when I got home... 2 caramel delights, the girl scout cookies! These will always be in my life no matter how healthy I am!

1st of the month... body pictures

Let me first say that I didn't think this out very well lol I planned on doing whole body shots every 1st of the month and that I would get my boyfriend to help me take the picture, well DUH he works second shift and was only home with my the 1st of Jan because of the holiday, so I had to take these myself. I am sure that having the different angels, and not being able to have some one take the picture doesn't help me see tiny differences but it was the best that I could do.

Now let me say that I see just about NO change. Maybe a little on my front view, but that's about it. I did however notice some change in my face, it is looking a little thinner and my neck looked longer today. Plus I am feeling more comfortable in clothes and that is really important to me. So while I didn't have fantastic changes this month I'll continue to work harder. I know that I didn't really push 100% with my exercise and that's what I'm going to change this month. I have to dedicate time EVERY day no matter how tired I am. Even if it means I go for a walk, out in the cold, during my lunch break. Tonight I am really tired and feeling a little sick but I promised myself that I would do at least 10 minuets, so after this blog I am going to pick an ONDEMAND video.

I had a good day today, I have noticed that I am not feeling tired until about 4:30-5:00ish when it use to be at like noon I was dragging and by my break I was figuring out if I could take a nap in my car. But my tiredness doesn't really hit me until the end of the day and I think a lot of it has to do with just how relaxed and quiet it gets. So I've been feeling really good about that!

I am still SODA FREE!! This is the biggest accomplishment I have made so far, I really didn't think I could make it this long and it's getting easier and easier every day. I've even gone out to eat and drank a water. I drink LOTS of water now and sometimes I mix it up and let myself have some ice tea.

I am still working on my exercise but I've been proud of my eating habits and I have more up days then down. Of course I still snack a little here and there and maek some slip ups but I'm human. I don't want to be perfect because I know that's not how life is. You get thrown curve balls and you have to learn how to deal with them. That is what I hope to show children when I get my youth fitness certification. I may not have the perfect body but I work hard at making healthier decisions and at being healthy.

I will also use the 1st of the month as my weigh-in... guess who forgot to weigh in Jan 1st? That would be me, so we are starting from February 1st!

02/01/11 (8:30pm)- 149.7lbs

Front (Jan 1st/Feb 1st)


Side (Jan 1st/Feb 1st)


Back (Jan 1st/Feb 1st)