Where oh Where...

Have I BEEN!?

Well it's called life and it may be a poor excuse but it's all I have right now. I got really sick and was achy and sore everyday. I was coming home almost in tears because I just hurt so much. I didn't care about what I was eating and exercise wasn't even in my vocabulary. I didn't get to run the race on Mother's Day because I was so sore and sick, it was one of the HARDEST decisions I had to make, I still regret it.

Finally went to the Dr and she started me on medicine for treatment of a relapse of Lymes. 3 days later I woke up with a swollen upper lip and mid day the right side of my face was numb and tingly. I was told to stop the medicine for 2 days and then start it again. They wanted to see if this was a reaction to the medicine or a side effect of my lymes. I started them medicine 2 days later and 2 days after that BAM! swollen lower lip and some numbness and tingly feelings. Called in a new medicine which I should have started today but because of the most common side effect (tummy issues) I wanted to wait until I wasn't so busy. I'll start this tomorrow...promise.

Today I tried on bridesmaid dresses and a size 10 fit me, snuggly. I want to be able to wear a 10, be comfortable and have no arm/back fat showing. There is a picture of me at my sisters wedding with HORRIBLE arm/back fat and it haunts me to this day!

I start school on Tuesday which throws a wrench into life but I am going back to working normal 8 hour days instead of those 9, 10 sometimes 11 hour days. I won't be making that money any more but it's what my body needs!

Tonight I had a good moment at dinner.. I was able to stop when I was satisfied, and left some of my food left over. It was very hard because I suffer from "empty plate" syndrome but I talked this situation out loud with my boyfriend and ended up getting them wrapped up.

It's REALLY odd feeling satisfied and not stuffed, sick or over full. I really tried to eat slowly and enjoy each but of my dinner. It was lobster ravioli very yummy, not the greatest choice but I'm not perfect, I'm still learning!

Race day is coming....

I got my race packet today!!!! I got my t-shirt and my bib and I am SO excited for this race, the bib makes it SO real :D I haven't done much training lately but I'm still feeling good about this race. I also found out that 2 of my friends are running this race as well, so it'll be nice to have some familiar faces down there in the sea of people.

Today is 10 years since my mother passed away...10 years since I lost my best friend and felt like my world crumbled. Look how far I have come... my job, my schooling, and just my life in general. I know I wouldn't have made it without the rest of my family but I know I would have already been on track LONG AGO if she was still around. It's taken some time to get there, but she's been pointing me in the right direction.

When I saw my race packet today, I thought well this is a sign, a sign of how proud of me she is, a sign that I'm doing the right thing and a sign that the appointment I had yesterday was exactly what I needed to do. Sometimes I ask for so much from her and I get so upset when I don't get it, but then something like this happens and now well I can't stop smiling...

Thank you mom, for everything you gave me and everything you keep giving me!

If you would like to donate to my race please go to this link:

http://rfcphl.convio.net/goto/amykendric
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Donate to the Race For The Cure. I will be running the 5k on Mother's Day 2011 in honor of my mother!

YAY for a loss!

So today was just a relaxing day we didn't do much because we were stuck in our room all day again...snow this morning and then rain all day, plus day 2 of picture day. We celebrated Philies Day in my classroom, we made a philly phanatic and cut out a hole for their face... so cute! We decorated sugar cookies with red "P"s and had soft pretzels for snack. We also sang "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" all in all a fun day! Eating was okay today, I had fruit for breakfast but it didn't settle well with my stomach, not sure what's going on but it seems like EVERYTHING is making my stomach hurt.

Pictures will have to wait for tomorrow because I left my camera at work and will have to grab it tomorrow but I did my weigh in..... 146.5lbs!!! WHOOOOHOOO!!!! This morning I cheated and weight myself and it said 145lbs!! I was so excited to see that number... I love it! I felt really great in a shirt today that I was always afraid to wear because it felt to tight, even my boss told me I looked great in it, it really fit my shape! So pictures tomorrow!!!

better day

Well today was better then yesterday... kind of. It was crazy first of all.. we had 11 kids and it was picture day which meant CHAOS! But we got through the day laughing and survived it all. I had some fruit and a cereal bar for breakfast... lunch was a steam fresh meal but dinner was just about 30 mins ago... SO LATE! Ham cooked with light brown sugar, OJ, ginger ale and mustard and some mac and cheese... the ham was a BIG slice so I only had 3 bites of mac and cheese.

I felt better today though about a lot of things. I really tired to stay positive through the day and was just kept telling myself that tomorrow is FRIDAY! It was nice to just kind of have a free day, we worked on our rooms, let the kids play for awhile and had fun. Tomorrow is Phillies day in my classroom and I'm excited... I'm getting soft pretzels for a special afternoon snack!

Tonight was a REALLY good Grey's Anatomy... I won't spoil it for anybody but AMAZING! I was starving after I got home... I worked 7:00am-6:00pm and then had a training 6:30-8:30 so I got home right at 9:00pm... put on GREYS but was so hungry!! So I had the great idea of rigging my TV so I could watch and cook dinner at the same time...

My picture tonight is of how I rigged it! Creative huh??

still the same

Today went by pretty fast but I ate horribly!! I started off with just a greek yogurt for breakfast and my stomach was not loving it. I had all plans of eating a healthy choice meals for lunch but a mom brought in home made brownies and cookies... 3 cookies and 2 brownies later I was feeling even sicker! That's all I've managed to eat today and I hate it! I made a wonderful dinner of baked salmon with a fresh mango salsa and I can't even look at it without my stomach doing turns and flips, I feel so sick! I don't know why I kept going back to the treats... I came home feeling so defeated. I was running around a lot today trying to get everything done, I was at work by 7:15, didn't take a break and didn't leave there until 6:30.... so tired! Going to do some dishes take my math book to study in bed and get to sleep early. I work 7-5:30 ( really 6) tomorrow and then have a training from 6:30-8:30 plus it's picture day tomorrow and that is always CRAZY! I am still trying to stay positive about things and just get on with things, not focus on the negative things.

What happened!?

WHAT HAPPENED!???

I am so mad at myself for letting it go this far... it's really just me being lazy and I really wish I could fix this part of me. I am lazy I would rather lay in bed and do nothing on most days when I know I should be out there living it up. But what if I can't fix this? Am I doomed to live a life of fat, borning nothingness????

I left work early Thursday throwing up...called out Friday and spent the rest of the weekend feeling like CRAP! I tried to get out and do somethings but I was so tired and in a horrible mood thank you to my TOM and was just grumpy with everyone around me. I HATE being like this, I HATE feeling like this! I woke up yesterday with a horrible head cold that followed me into today. I hate telling everyone at work that I'm sick yet again... my immune system is shot and you'd think by now, working with all these kids, it would have built up some.

I made dinner when I came home, took a shower and now I am laying down. I didn't eat any of the dinner because I feel so BLAH! I packed some for my lunch tomorrow in hopes that I will feel better!! Well here I go starting over....YET AGAIN!!!

My picture tonight is of my big glass of OJ! Hope some extra Vitamin C will help my cold!

the "C" word

Today was another quiet day at work, I was thankful because I am still struggling. I have decided that I am just going to be nice at work, and do my job and then come home. I can't bring work with me to home and I need to learn to check my emotions at the door more often before I head into my classroom. I have had a lot to think about and it's been good so far.

Tonight was not much different we learned that a local boy ( his family is friends with my friend) was rushed to CHOP after spiking a fever and becoming unresponsive. He was in remission from neuroblastoma, a form of aggressive cancer, and now it is back. He has lesions on his brain and in his stomach... it's not looking good. The doctors are saying 4-6 weeks if he makes it through his surgeries.

I've cried a lot about this, I don't know this boy or this family but that damn "C" word is throwing my head for a spin. I have made the decision to get the genetic testing done for the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 mutation and have genetic counseling done. I feel like I have to know that this is the only control I have over the situation so I must take it. Some people don't agree with me and don't know how I could do it, but I don't know how I can sit here and NOT know.

I've been super busy already this week ( it's only Tuesday!) and my bedtime is getting late again and I'm up by 5:30am... I can feel the pressure mounting and I know this weekend I will need time alone. It's hard to swallow everything that I have decided and have had to do just in these last couple of days... I wish I could stop turning to food for comfort. Take out for lunch today but other then that an okay day.

Tonight's picture is just another thing added to my plate...I have to take a placement test to start the rest of my classes at the local community college. I haven't taken a test in years and high school math seems like it was HUNDREDS of years ago. I ordered 2 books through amazon and plan on doing a lot of studying!!