Where have I been?

Well it's a hard questions to answer :D

I recently started working full time again and have been thrown some major curve balls by that thing called life but I am working through it all. My breakup has been going FANTASTICLY and I am currently down to 155lbs--which is just about 2lbs shy of losing 20lbs since really starting this journey. Now I look back and see I have been at this for almost a year, but have taken time off for various things that are just life and can't be avoided. Sometimes I am disspointed that I haven't lost more but it's more then that number on the scale.

I had to dump MULTIPLE pairs of jeans, and trade them in for younger ones, and it's true....the younger the better. Many of my shirts were asked to leave my closet and not return, I'm finding I acutally like ones that cling a little more.

I am running still, and hope to complete another 5k in the next upcoming weeks, and have found a true love for just being healthy. I like being able to walk by a mirror and not cringe at the things I saw, but now a smile can come across my face and I know starting my breakup was the best thing for me :D

Biggest Loss yet and new jeans

Okay so I was dreading two things today: Jean shopping and my weigh-in. After having not such a good weekend with food decisions, and house/dog sitting I felt like I hadn't done much. I also loss my last pair of jeans that fit to a dog. So I had to fit in jean shopping today which I consider my own person hell.

Let's start with the weigh-in. I was one of the first one's up today, and was glad to have some privacy as I turned my WiiFit on. I was nervous, and stood as still as possible thinking only skinny thoughts and first it shows you your BMI, which my had lowered. Okay this is good I thought but then it shows my weight..... 151.5! That is a 8lb loss from last month. I am STILL in shock about it. I knew I was doing lots of walking with work and keeping as much as I could on track with my food, but sure I had at least stayed the same. This really shot my motivation in the right direction!

Next on the list of thigns was jean shopping....I really wasn't looking forward to this at all. I HATE jean shopping, it usually turns into hours of me trying on different pairs of jeans, and leaving very depressed because nothing EVER fits. We decided to hit Old Navy since they were having a sale. I went right to the jean section, picked up three different styles in two different styles. A size 10 and a size 12 took six pairs to the dressing room..... I FOUND three pairs! Two of them were a size 12 and one was a size 10. I now have three pair of good fitting jeans and am VERY comfortable in them. All in all today was a FANTASTIC day for me, emotional wise. I finally feel like I am seeing a difference, I have been feeling it but not really seeing it. And I can't wait to continue on my journey. I am feeling HEALTHY finally for the first time, in a long long time :D

Temptation in my face...

literally, I had a McDonald's bag shoved in my face today! Today we were on a field trip to the Crayola Factory, which really wasn't worth the almost two hour drive, and then lunch time came. I had managed to keep so busy I missed all of the MCDOANLDS signs, until half of my counselors got up and left. The smell hit the room before they did and I was intoxicated. My eyes darting around the room trying to find the culprit of this most amazing smell I haven't smelled in forever. "Look what I got for lunch" a counselor threw a bag of greasy fries and burgers right in my face. My mouth was watering, I actually had to pat it with a napkin to keep myself like looking like a fool. Right there before my eyes she poured the contents on to the table and devoured in, I sat watching eating my strawberries and for a couple mins felt complete and utter jealously.

But as the day went out and I had tons of energy to keep up with my kids, I was glad I had my healthier lunch and with-in an hour had forgotten completely that there was even a Mcdonalds right next to me. I ran around with the kids, making sure we got as much done as we could and before I knew it, it was time to go. Packing on the bus sitting across from other counselors I smelled it again and thought maybe I was just have like a reoccurring dream, but not there it was again.

That greasy bag, filled with what use to be my favorite items to binge on. French fries, salty and greasy. A cheeseburger, with the melted cheese and loads of pickles and a 6 piece chicken nugget, complete with honey dipping sauce. I groaned as I thought there was no way I was going to last this bus ride home with out breaking down and asking for her to share. But instead I took out my book, turned my back to the bag-o-grease and read. For almost two hours, I just read, listened to my kids and eventually the smell and temptation went away. Of course on my ride home for work I was tempted as I passed the three I have to pass to get to my sisters house, but I just kept driving. This is the first time EVER that I have turned down something so tempting that was so easy to access. Any other day I would have had it for lunch, and probably grabbed a snack for the bus ride home. Today I was triumph over Mcdoanlds, and right now I feel like I could take on the world :D

Still losing and a new toy!

So I did my offical weigh-in tonight and guess what!!!!!

159.5lbs!! That means I'm out of the 160's! I don't think I've seen under 160 in about a year, and now that I am here, I love it! I am only 10lbs away from my first *small* goal of seeing under 150lbs! It's been MANY years since I've seen that number!

I also got a new fun toy, a digital food scale! It's very nifty and convinent when packing my lunch and making sure I am still eating healthy while I am working...talking about work I have a summer position at the local YMCA as a Day Camp Counsleor. It keeps me SUPER active, we walk everywhere and I am getting a great tan!

Life is still throwing me lots of downs, and tonight was a hard night for me. But things turned around quickly and without my family I don't know what I would do! Seriously, this hasn't just been a weight loss jounrey but a life journey, one that has been changing all aspects of my life.

I also have the whole family in on this new life style change...my dad had a heart attack about 3 weeks ago and it gave everyone a scare. They are all eating better and helping me along the way too. We have even suggested taking sometime to exercise together, walking or just getting out and running around for awhile as a family.

So goodbye to those 3.5lbs that I will NEVER see again and hello to my new hottie; Digital scale!

My first 5k!

ran my first 5k yesterday!! I was so nervous because I've been so busy lately that I haven't put in much training. I got up at 6am to go register, got my bib and my ankle chip and was so pumped! I was running wit my cousin, who ran a 5k about 1 month ago. We had a light breakfast, got dressed and headed to the park at about 7:30am. There were about 1500 people there and I was starting to feel nervous. As wel all packed together at the starting line, I told myself that no matter what to be proud of myself, that I could do this! There were so many people around me, a different feeling because I always run by myself!! But my cousin ( who has already run a race ) was right there beside me! Getting to the first mile marker was hard, but after that I was feeling pretty good. My goal was just to finish but I really didn't want to stop to walk. Right before mile 2, I was struggling with my breathing and started to slow down to almost a walk but my cousin grabbed my arm and told me to keep going. We were coming to the finish and there was my sister, her husband, a friend and my boyfriend. My boyfriend came onto the road and started to run beside me. Telling me how proud he was of me, he grabbed my hand and ran the last 50 ft with me. Crossing the finish line with him, it was an amazing feeling. I still have a smile on my face. I am now all relaxed, took a good long shower and can really feel it in my legs! But it was amazing and I wanted to thank everyone here that has supported me in my training. This is honestly of the of the few things that I started, went through with it, and finished it. My unofficial results was just over 39 mins, and I'm very happy about that! I can't wait to run my next one!

3lbs and 5k

Sorry it's been so long but I have been on an emotional rollarcoaster with this break-up, and it's taken me a couple days to get over the last low but I am feeling much better and glad to say.... Another 3lbs have been removed from my body FOREVER!! I kissed them goodbye and didn't look back!

I also met a new "special someone"...RUNNING! It's been addictive and I've been trying to only see him 3 times a week, but lately he has been calling me more. I take on a major run 5k ( or 3.1 miles) July 4th! It's a local run for something called "Good Neighboor Day".

I'm so excited because before me and running never got along. I would start out and with in 30 seconds he made me want to throw up and fall over. So slowly I started building things up, we are taking it VERY slow this time <3 But he has won me over now, and I think this could be the real thing, long-term kind of thing! Who would have thought!

He does require me to buy new clothing, but I don't mind. Actually Old Navy is having a sale on a lot of their new work out clothing, and since I've only had like 1 pair of workout pants and 4 shirts that I constantly wash and re-wear I think it's about time!

I don't start my job until July 13th, but it will require me to be outside everyday running around with little kids. Nothing like working with kids to keep me in shape!

I am woman.... hear me ROAR!

That has been my theme today! I woke up early to go learn how to change the oil in my car and I was damn proud when I finished and everything was right! It felt great to accomplish what I always assume was such a huge task and on such an important thing.

After that was done I came home and finished painting the steps outside. This has been an on going project and I know my dad appreciates it very much, plus I really like painting! It took me about an hour to finish it up and will hopefully get done the second coat on everything this coming week.

After that a quick visit to my aunt and uncle to see their new dog Louie. It was lots of fun to play with him and my cousin in the back yard, his favorite is fetch!

Then it was home to start the laundry pile in the laundry room. Living with 3 boys I have never seen so many clothes!! I swear they have more jeans then I do!!! But i never minding doing laundry because I can always use it as a bargaining tool later ;)

Then finally I hit the gym. 30 mins on the treadmill burning 156 calories and then 30 mins on the Elliptical for 30 mins burning 310 calories for a total of 466 plus add on what I burned painting and doing all of my other running around and it was a fantastic day.

I proved to myself that I can do things on my own, I am a strong, independent woman and don't have to rely on ANYONE but myself. Even thou I love having my very supportive boyfriend and family, I know I can do lots on my own!

ROAR!!

3lbs gone!!

Hells yea bitches!!

I am so very excited to share with you all that I am down 3lbs and having been holding steady there now :D It's great to say that I have lost some weight and finally seeing the hardwork starting to pay off.

I am now on week 3 of my C25k program and can finally run for a full 3 minuets with out dying!! I am actually enjoying my workouts and have found it is a great way to work out all of my stress. My goal is to lose another 2lbs by June 12th, where I have graduation and wedding to attend! I may go by a new dress for the wedding but I'm not sure yet.

So I kissed 3lbs goodbye and I will not be seeing them ever again! I promise you that, I am glad that some of my fat has started to come with terms that I ended this relationship, but some of this fat is making me pay hell for it ;)

I also was offered a summer position at a local YMCA and will be spending my days outside, running around with kids. Plus I also get a FREE membership there for the whole summer and hope to use that to my advantage. I was asked if I know how to swim and I said yes but my bathing suits are still in hiding so far.

Let's keep on going!

I complete 4 miles today and lost my car key...

So today was my first day of my Couch to 5K program, a downloaded a podcast that is put to music with cues as to when to run or when to walk. I was excited because I am getting pumped for my 5K in September! I got up around 8 and made it to the park before 8:30, put my key in my shoe and set off!

I was so focused on my program and was so happy when I finished it! I pushed through it, and when I looked down at my pedometer I saw I had reached 2 miles. Not bad and I still could breathe and walk! So I lean down to get my key, it's not there! I take my shoe off and shake it, but still no luck. At this point I am still calm and figure I'll walk my route again, and along the way ask anybody if they have seen a key.

One lady does find me saying another girl is walking around with the key asking if anybody lost it. Okay this makes me feel better, someone found it and is looking for me. So I finish my lap and have now completed 3 miles! I talked with some more walkers/joggers who are on the look out for the lady with my key. I stand my my jeep for about 15 mins to see if maybe they are driving around looking for me. STILL NO LUCK. I called my uncle who works for the park and ask if anyone has turned in my key at the main office. NOPE. I find a grounds keeper worker and ask him if any one has turned in a key. NOPE. They both tell me to check the bulletin board and water fountain my the bathroom as most people leave keys there. NOPE. At this point I am coming back around to my jeep and have now completed 4 miles.

I finally give in, call my grandmother (in tears at this point) and ask her to come pick me up so that I can go home and pick up my spare key. She does, and finally I am able to drive away in my own car.

The bad news is that I still don't know who has my orginial key, but the good news is I walked 4 miles today and complete the first day of my C25K program!

When MONEY is the issue...

First let me say that I have been unemployed for almost a year, and while getting a couple days here and there thru a temp agency I haven't found something solid.

I am lucky that my father has offered to pay my gym membership until things settle. At $15 a month he said it's worth it to get my body into shape and be healthy. But I always find myself saying if only I had the money...

If only I had the money to buy the better things, the healthier things, would I be able to accomplish more? Would I have the right equipment and tools to get my body where it needs to be?

I don't usually like to focus on the negative but yesterday I got a call from Curves, I had filled out a survey and she told me about the great deal... $30 for 1 month, to come in and be apart of something great. As I jumped at the deal, I was excited that there was a place I could find support and other woman who were going thru what I am going thru. My gym is a lovely place, but not a very friendly place and with very limited motivation.

After I hun up I checked my bank account...I'm overdrawn and now actually am in the negative category. Stupid bills....had I just managed to put enough money away I'd be able to do this. I know I have no one else to blame but myself, but I really wanted to be apart of this group, I had heard such great things. And now I have to call tomorrow and tell them I can't. That I can't afford to get myself healthy and in shape?

Where did I go wrong?

I actually ran today...

Well I would call it more of a jog....but I did it! Today I put on my shoes, grabbed my grandmother and told her to get with it!

She walked the first .5 mile with me, and then off to the car she went. So I picked up my pace, only lasted for about 1 minuet but I was content with myself. I did the good old 80's power walking the rest of the way. I felt great that I got out of the house, and actually made the effort.

I'm struggling to find this relationship with exercise, but I want to keep working at it. They say relationships are two way streets, so if I give some then it will give me some RIGHT? I freaking hope so :)

I Broke

I knew as soon as I woke up this morning that it was going to be a rough day. 7:45am comes and my alarm is going off....I didn't even attempt a snooze I just hit off. The next thing I know it's 9am and I am slowly pulling myself out of bed.

While I made it down stairs and made myself oatmeal I was still feeling...tired. Tired of tracking my food, of hitting the gym and feeling better. So I cheated and hit the scale I had a gain of .04 so that's not even a pound but that damn + sign was enough to throw me off all day.

I still managed to do just a couple exercises at home, and hit up saladworks with my grandmother for lunch. Come dinner I was just so tired, I feel like I could just break down. Pasta and bread, so yummy.

But then I came home to bills, bills I can't pay. My cell phone, my car insurance, the water bill, food. I can't make it and I am so over trying to find a job. I just lost it...one pack of Little Bits fudge brownies, left over Mac and Cheese from last night dinner, and a big old COLD diet coke...I feel just worse.

This being "thin" thing is just a lot harder and I just want to throw in the towel....

Bathing Suit War

I struggled to pull on and stretch a bathing suit I fit into last summer....oh dear lord. I was pouring out of all the wrong places and it made my rolls have rolls. I could not breathe or even move in this evil torture device.

After ripping my way out, and playing with the idea of just cutting myself out, I hung it up on my wall. There, a solid reminder of the way I USE to be and how I want to be again. But for some reason not even that could hold me back from scarfing down a quarter pounder with cheese and fries for dinner.

So here I sit, staring at that bathing suit, wanting to make it feel the pain it has put me thru. Can I make my bathing suit fat? Or maybe I'll just attack with a pair of scissors until there is nothing left but the shreds that are equal to my will power right now....

It would be easier....

if there weren't a Mcdonalds, Wendys, KFC, Taco Bell, Burger King all with in a 2 mile radius of my house....

While I managed to share a cheese steak with a friend today, we also made a stop at the mall. And as she pulled her size 7 shorts (a size I haven't seen since middle school) I felt that cheese steak instantly double and fill my stomach.

And with this hot weather, I can't go walking around in jeans and long sleeves...I actually have to wear shorts and skirts and dresses. All things I have happily been able to avoid his winter.... Maybe I'll move to somewhere where is it is always cold, then I'll never have to fight with a pair of shorts again....

I'm daiting again!

So soon, I know! But this time I think it may be the real thing...his name Measuring Cup! Oh we are so cute when we are together!

I was introduced to him by a friend who swore up and down by him. They had since parted ways but she figured that he could help me out with my lovely figure :) So I woke up this morning and we had our first date...breakfast. 3/4 cup of cereal with 1/2 cup of 2% milk (along with some turkey sausage). He was pretty easy and I don't know why I had not tried him out before. He came in handy again at lunch time while making fruit salad and we have dinner plans!

So today was not a bad day! I have managed to stay in my calorie range and have started up at www.sparkpeople.com who has customized a fitness plan ( for free! ) for me to follow. I have plans to meet Mr. Gym tonight as well. (I sound like such a whore, but I swear me and Mr. Gym's relationship is strictly platonic.... for now)

I do have some sad news...me and Scale are now divorced and have come to the agreement that we will only see each other once a month...he had been stopping by everyday or once a week and I am too emotional to handle that right now!

My own personal hell

The grocery store. It's where I can do my most damage or like today actually walk out of there feeling good about myself.

To start off I live with 3 boys who are meat and potatoes kind of guys. They don't like anything low fat, low sodium, soy or fat free. They can snack on chips, cookies and ice cream all day without gaining one pound. My brother plays baseball like it's his religion and both my father and boyfriend work some what physically demanding jobs. I understand, but still really why don't you three ever gain weight!? I on the other hand have been unemployed for almost a year and spend most of my days cleaning the house, doing laundry and running errands. Even if I run my butt off that day, I still have to watch what I eat.

Since I am home I am also in charge of doing the food shopping, which for a family of 4 can be tiring at some points. I recently started clipping coupons but have found that there are NO coupons for healthier food. I also struggle with our health food section which is about as big as my bathroom. But I was on a hunt today, taking my time. I first accomplished every thing for the boys and then started my own shopping list.

Soy milk (chocolate)
Turkey burgers
Turkey sausage
Whole Wheat Bread
Kashi Go Lean Cereal
Oranges
Cucumbers
Bananas

So I am slowly stocking the house with healthier things, and while it seems like a pain I will start to make my own meals for dinner. I will continue to make something for them, and will probably only switch out my protein. Breakfast and lunch are not a problem since I'm home by myself, unless it's the weekend...which is another problem for another post :D

My Break Up Letter

Dear Fat,
Oh how many years we have had together, and they have all been amazing. I will never forget you, but it is time to move on. I have met others, exercise and healthy eating. They are giving me things that I could never get from you. You were always there to warm me and along with food, you made me complete. A complete fatty! When did you turn on me? Where did our love go so wrong? I didn't realize that things had gotten so bad, but today is the end. Fat...I am moving on and so will you! Please don't visit me or try and come back into my life. I am moving on for good this time!
Your Friend
Amy

Yep I am fat. There I said it, I admit it. Actually according to my BMI I am obese with my current height 5'4 and weight 168lbs. So today after trying to find pants to wear out for dinner, pants that fit me only a year ago, I have to break up with my fat. It's not going to be easy or pretty, but hopefully it will be some what amusing, kind of fun, and inspiring. So come follow me as you watch my emotional break up with Fat.